Monday, June 21, 2010


Monday, May 3, 2010


Have you ever considered the futility of the question why?  It is unanswerable.  Just ask the 5 year old who picks on his little sister.  Why did you do it Johnny?  He has no answer - it just seemed like the thing to do at the time.  Just ask the people whose home was devastated by a hurricane.  There is no answer.  It just is what it is.

Why? has been a question I have been considering a lot lately.  Truthfully, I think I have been having a pity party and the question why? is a perfect party companion.  Why have I had to live without a door on the bathroom for 10 years?  Why does our driveway have pot holes so big that I have affectionately come to call them "tank traps".  Why do they seem to skate by in life, with everything they want and no effort, and I have to struggle and scrape for every little step forward?  Why, why, why?

As many of you know, my husband and I are currently trying to sell our home and buy a home in the area where I grew up.  It is a huge leap of faith on numerous fronts.  My husband would have to give up his stable job in a large city, in an industry that he has worked in for 27 years.  We would have to uproot our children from the friends that they have formed relationships with for the last 10 years.  We would be leaving our vast support network of Godly friends to go into the great unknown.  Even with all of those changes, the benefits of our moving are tremendous.  We would be in close proximity of my parents - a blessing we have never before enjoyed.  We would be in a much more remote location, which suits our preparedness penchant perfectly.  And we would be in a position to have my elderly Great-Aunt relocated from the nursing home to our home. But, more than anything, we feel strongly that God is leading us to that area.

All roads seemed to be leading us "home".  The kids and I made a flying trip to look at a house that, from the real estate ad, seemed to be perfect for us.  After seeing it in person, I knew that it was everything I had ever wanted.  Relying on my account, and that of my father, Chris and I made an offer.  It was somewhat lower than what the owners were asking, but for various reasons was a solid offer.  It was turned down flat.  We made another offer.  Again, no go.  A third offer (which was pretty much full price) - nothing.  My heart was broken in a thousand tiny pieces.

Now, I know all of God's promises - and I believe them - but I didn't feel them.  I felt abandoned, rejected, punished.  I had prayed so hard, with all the faith I could muster.  I knew that I was in the midst of a crisis of faith, but the recurring question in my soul was why?  Why didn't God make our path straight?  Why didn't He allow us to find favor with the owners of the house?  Why did He allow this opportunity to present itself, if He wasn't planning on letting it come to fruition? And ultimately, why wasn't He giving me the peace that passes understanding?  Why, why, why?

Why is an unanswerable question.  It is the enemy of peace and contentment.  It encourages us to look at other peoples situation and become discontent with our own.  It drives a wedge between we sinful humans and  Holy God. 

In my sorrow, I sought solace in the question why?  Here are the answers I received:  Because you are sinful, and a Holy God has to punish those sins.  Because you have not lived a Godly life, and these are the consequence's for your behavior.  Because I favor all of these other people to you, daughter.

Do any of those answers match scripture?  No.  Do any of those answers sound like they came from a loving Father?  Heaven forbid!  So, if God wasn't answering my why? questions, who was?  My Mom shed light on that area of darkness.  She asked questions that lead me to the foot of God's throne!  If the answers to the why? questions that were swirling around in my head weren't consistent with the word of God, then they were from my enemy!  So simple, yet so profound!

As I fell to my knees, I thanked God for His providence.  I praised Him for the air I breath.  For my husband, for my children, for my parents.  I praised Him for the care and attention He lavishes on every area of my life.  I praised Him for being my Holy God.

What is a house?  Nothing but canker and rust.

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