Tuesday, March 11, 2014


This is a post specifically written for women.  If you aren't a woman, you may wish to politely look the other way!

Ladies, modern society has us completely turned around.  We our taught to serve our children and shun our husbands.  We build our family's foundation on an alter dedicated to the worship of our young.  We cater to their needs, to their desires and to their demands.  We place their feelings above all else.  We allow them to sleep with us, to interrupt us and to disrespect us.  Our children take first place in our lives, with our husbands coming in a distant third.

This cannot be.  As wives, it is our duty, and our honor, to respect our husbands.  Here's the tricky part.  We need to respect them even when they are not respectable.  Does that mean that we have to agree with everything they say and do?  Of course not, that would be impossible!  But it does mean that when we disagree, we must approach them with a high degree of respect and honor.  We don't get to tell them how stupid they are or how juvenile or how idiotic they are being.  Instead, we gently present our case.  And we choose to accept their decision - even if it's wrong.

As Christian women, we are called to honor and respect our husband.  Never once does the Bible tell us to honor and respect our husbands if they are honorable - or even respectable.  We are told to do it because it is right.  Although being respectful to our husbands sometimes seems positively impossible, even odious, the beautiful harvest that we will reap is awe inspiring.  What harvest, you ask?  You will reap the blessings of a peaceful home.  You will reap the blessings of your husband's love.  You will reap the blessings of children who, watching your example, will choose to be respectful to you, even when you don't deserve their respect.  What you sow in obedience you will harvest in abundance.

Believe it or not, Sir Knight and I are far from perfect.  We do not always get along.  Sometimes he hurts my feelings.  Sometimes I make him angry.  Sometimes I think that a lasting marriage is truly an impossibility.  But I know the truth of God's word.  I know that I am called to respect my husband, no matter what the circumstances.  The trick sometimes, is knowing what respect looks like.  Over the years, I have found a number of ways that I can be respectful to my husband.  These things I do - always - to show my husband respect (even when I don't want to).

  1. When our family gathers for tea, I always serve Sir Knight first.  He is the husband, father, priest prophet, provider and protector.  He gets preferential treatment!
  2. When we share our afternoon tea, small children are not allowed in the kitchen and the older children (who take tea with us) are not allowed to enter our conversation until Sir Knight and I have spent time re-connecting.  He gets preferential treatment! 
  3. I never allow the children to interrupt their father.  He gets preferential treatment!
  4. I never volunteer my husband for anything.  I ask.  
  5. I never speak unkindly about my husband.  He is the man God provided for me.  To speak unkindly of my husband would be to speak unkindly about the God who gave him to me.
  6. I teach my children to love and respect their father.  I extol his virtues in front of them and teach them to forgive his human inadequacies.
  7. I pray for my husband
It is not always easy to be the wife God intends for me to be.  I struggle and I fail and sometimes I resent having to be respectful.  But in my heart of hearts, I know that God's word is true.  I know that God knows what is best for families and that what is best for a family is for the wife to respect her husband and for the husband to love his wife.  I need to respect Sir Knight - even when he hasn't earned my respect.  And he needs to love me - even when I am unlovable.  Obeying the word of God builds a foundation for the family that is indestructible.

Those who have ears, let them hear.  The world would have you build your house on the sand, but in Christ, you will build your house on a Rock.  Start building today using respect as your mortar.  Your house will stand - and your husband will rise and call you blessed.

Note:  I am having a difficult time answering comments - not sure what's up.  Please feel free to email me directly if you have a question.


  1. Very good. Thank you.

  2. I found your blog one morning, during a particular rough spot in my life. Your writing guided me to understand what part (ALL) of my troubles with my beloved were MY responsibility. The results of your wisdom being applied to my situation, were an immediate change in the way my husband reacted and treated me. I was not honoring him.
    I give God the credit for my finding your blog and for the help it has been in understanding His word in application. I love my mother dearly, but she feared my "command man" father, instead of honoring him. Their marriage ended after 25+ years and it could have been avoided. I strive to honor and respect my husband's role and leadership in this family and when I do, it's a thing of beauty. But it is a daily struggle that I have to continually pray to achieve, not because of my husband, but because of ME. However, it is the most worthy cause; nothing of value comes cheaply or easily.
    Thank you, Enola. The truth needs repeating frequently.

  3. I'm sorry, I admit it, I'm a man and I read the article. I would like to comment on one part of this; "As wives, it is our duty, and our honor, to respect our husbands. Here's the tricky part. We need to respect them even when they are not respectable."
    I am 70 and when I was a child our family struggled in poverty. Both parents worked although neither had good jobs or long term jobs it was more a day to day and month to month effort and existence. During this period I don't remember life being bad. We usually had enough food, we grew some of our own food. There was no welfare of any kind. We had few clothes and my mother would repair our clothes includng darning socks. But to the point, my mother was very wise. She encouraged, she cajoled, she subtlely pushed us into the right direction. It was so subtle that I have only in the past 10-20 years understood a lot of it. Now my father was a good man and a good father but my mother was able to be his partner in life and help him be even better. She did this tirelessly over her lifetime often putting us first ahead of her interests and desires. They married in the depths of the great depression and she had health issues related to polio when she was a child and maybe these things helped her become the strong woman she was. But my point in this is to enlarge and clarify your point that even when her husband is wrong or weak or when her children are wrong or weak that a strong woman/mother can do so much to improve the situation. It isn't about supporting someone who is wrong so much as it is supporting them and being part of the agent of change. And I can tell you it isn't "gratifying" in that you don't always or often see immediate change but it is over time and slowly that this mothering influence can bring good things out of tough situations. Sometimes both parents can be the "rock" but often it is one parent and often it is the mother. There are many things she can do to help and many of them wlll be selfless actions that won't necessarily bring immediate pleasure or immediate results but will over time improve the lot of the family. It could be hours spent teaching children to read or checking homework or overseeing tooth brushing the simple common motherly tasks or it could be more challenging things that we wouldn't think of that will make the family unit work better over the years. In the years since I have realized and recognized my mothers efforts I have often wondered if she clearly saw the fruits of her work or ever fully understood how effective she was. Or if she just plugged along doing what she knew was right day after day and simply had faith that it was working.

    1. I have to second you on this one.

      On more than one occasion, I quietly submitted to my husband's wishes even when I knew in my heart that what he wanted was childish, selfish, and in general a bad idea.

      Every time I've done it when I knew I was going along with the wrong thing because it was my husband's will, it's had disastrous consequences for our family.

      They haven't been many (I can count them on the fingers of one hand, and we've been together for 13 years today), but there have been times when I should have faced him and told him NO.

  4. After 25 years of marriage, I can affirm everything in your post. We are not perfect, but we are given lovely roles and if we embrace them, we have a life that is amazing. I have been a stay home wife/mother the entire time, and now, our youngest is 18 and many ask me what I am going to do...wondering if I may get a job.

    I smile and I tell those that wonder, that I am still gainfully employed in the role of homemaker which allows me to be the wife I am to be. As a parent my role has changed a bit, as I am now definitely more in the position that advises, counsels, and listens instead of constant training.


  5. I have never read a post like this before from a woman. Though I've been reading this blog for years, and know your beliefs, this post was incredibly insightful and full of God given wisdom. Sadly, I have yet to meet a woman of like mind here in the South, and since my divorce 4 years ago I have been searching for that woman. She doesn't exist down here, You are a rare breed, Enola.

    Jeff from Mississippi

  6. Enola, you can't measure yourself by what the world says. This world is in rapid decline. You have it right. I think that GOD looks at you and smiles. God Bless Enola. Rex from Minnesota

  7. A reply to Jeff in Mississippi : I, personally, know of four women like this in southern Mississippi. If there are four then there may be four hundred. You may either be looking in the wrong places or you may be scaring them off. What are your attitudes and behaviors toward women? Are you kind,respectful, protective, chivalrous, gentle ? And, please, remember that God instructs women to be respectful and submissive to their own husbands...not to all men in general.

    1. I'm in North Mississippi, Perhaps I should move further south and search there. :)

  8. Amen Anonymous, Jeff is obviously looking in the wrong places for women in Mississippi. I know of several in my close circle here in Central Mississippi.


    1. Well, I'm certainly not trying to frequent bars to meet women, THAT would be the wrong place to look. I meet them anywhere and everywhere. Church, the store, at work, gatherings, concerts, etc.

  9. And you're right....again. I can't tell you how many times I have seen women have children and forget their are married. They sound like parrots....the children! the children! the children! Yes, children have needs, particularly young ones. But beyond those basic needs, the marital relationship should come first. How many men are relegated to being a drone worker in their own home--bringing home a paycheck, fixing a broken whatever, etc. Without proper attention to that marital relationship, relationships falter.

    I'm an only child, an only grandchild on one side and the only granddaughter on the other. I'm special. lol. But I can remember very clearly when I was about 5, that my parents were having a get together at our house with some of their friends at our house. I must have been chattering on about seeing these people and my mother said,

    "They're not coming to see you."

    Needs to be a little more of that I think, children knowing their "place".

  10. I am here to testify that after 41 years of happy marriage, the most effective way to keep a marriage strong is to forgive, forget, and be willing to say you are sorry.

  11. Yes, women are commanded to respect their husbands. But, let us not forget that we husbands are commanded to love our wives. Men - if you want respect you had better reciprocate with love (as in love her as you want to be loved).

    Hangtown Frank

  12. Amen!! We need to 'love' our husbands... Love being a verb- an action- not a noun

  13. Amen Frank. Love and respect the women your married to. Must be a two way street.

  14. I am a man also & I read your article - WOW!
    As others have stated, the complement is also necessary - the husband of such a woman needs to love, cherish, respect, and LISTEN to her, as well as be a full partner in home making and child raising.
    As a single man, I am seeking a woman with that kind of attitude and am having trouble finding her. In the meantime, I am working on being the best follower of Christ I can be.
    Thank you for your example and your clear enunciation of it.
    May you have a blessed day,

  15. Great article! Wives are commanded by God to respect their husband and husbands to love their wife. If anyone reading is struggling with this or how this might be lived out in your home, I highly recommend the book "Love & Respect:The love she most desires, The respect he desperately needs" by Emerson Eggerichs.

  16. We women certainly need to be reminded of this time and again. So glad you posted this, Enola.

  17. The question I forgot to pose, though, is an important one.

    There are, I believe, times when a good wife must say NO. NO we can't, NO I don't, NO we won't. NO. They are few, but they are there.

    I should have said NO to the expensive, dilapidated fishing cabin he demanded as proof of my devotion.

    I should have said NO when he refused to allow me to go home to help my father deal with my stepmother's illness. If not then, I certainly should have said NO when his parents demanded that I ignore the fact that I hadn't heard from my father in almost a week. I should have said NO, and I didn't, and now we all have to live with the consequences of my sin.

    We got out from under the fishing cabin, but the issues that drove the behavior still dog us today. Getting out from under the circumstances, and the consequences, of the contemptible way my father's death was handled will be much more difficult (if it's even possible).

    There are times when a loving wife must say NO, and follow through. The question I have not been able to answer through prayer, or searching the Bible, or seeking the counsel of others is HOW TO REMAIN LOVING, SUPPORTIVE, AND RESPECTFUL WHILE STILL FIRMLY SAYING "NO" AT THOSE TIMES.

    I don't see how there can be another such time in our lives-- he did learn his lesson about unsustainable debt and bad financial decisions, and I will certainly never again be trusted with the care of an elderly family member-- but I am sure that another one will come.

    I would like to be ready to deal with it correctly next time. Any advice??