Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Craigslist personal ad

A friend gave this to Sir Knight, but I got a chuckle out of it.  Whether it is a real ad, we will probably never know.

An Actual Craigslist Personals Ad
To the guy who tried to  mug me in downtown Savannah night before last.
Date: 2010-09-27, 1:43 a.m. E.S.T.

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives.  You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings.  I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually **** in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.  The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason... my girlfriend was happy that I just returned safely from my 2nd tour as a Combat Marine in Afghanistan.  She had just bought me that Kimber Custom Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a should holster for it that very evening.  Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it?

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with **** in your pants.  I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone and wallet with me.  (That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again).

After I called  your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done.  Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, - on your credit card.  The guy with the big motor home took 153 gallons and was extremely grateful!  I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet.  (That made his day!)  I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb...after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.

Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioned President Obama as my possible target.  The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number, etc.).

In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you....but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime.  I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life.  Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.  Have a good day.

Thoughtfully yours,

Semper Fi,



  1. Love it. Would have liked to been a fly on the wall when it happened.

  2. Snopes.com says it's False..

    HOpe I didn't throw cold water on the post.

    It's is fun though to think that it might have actually happened.


  3. No clue if it was real or not, but I first saw it in 2009 while I was living near and working in Savannah, GA. It wasn't me, but considering my sometimes "redneck" demeanor, I sure got a lot of emails from friends asking if I wrote it! Good memories, LOL

  4. Snopes is your friend. This is fake.

  5. it is false..a practical joke, someone pulling our leg...but pretty darn good reading anyway. i just love those marines. i am married to one. all marines are tough as this one, but they have hearts of marshmallow and faithful to the end of theearth..(semper fi means "always faithful")

  6. That's awesome! Would be great if it really happened! Perhaps crime would drastically drop if things like this started happening on the streets!

  7. Well, that's a christian attitude if ever I saw it. It's certainly good to know this fictional person doesn't feel malice, or pleasure at causing someone else pain. Or, in the very least, it's okay for us to laugh at theft, vandalism, and fraud, because a soldier did it to a mugger...so that makes it okay.

  8. Well, if it didn't happen...it should have! ;^)

  9. I don't care if this is real or not because this is awesome! Wouldn't it be great if this actually happened?

  10. Fiction or not I love it. Our 2nd Amendment is the real Homeland Security. Earth to Thugs and Tyrants. Bring it on! Centcom

  11. Anon 3:43--I'm marrying a Marine in 2 1/2 weeks and I definitely agree with your discription of these fine men. Fearless, faithful, loyal and loving...once you look past the tough exterior. :)

  12. Well at least I now have a plan of action.

  13. Thank you for posting this. It will help me past your defenses of people like you in the future.