Wednesday, May 7, 2014

The Burden of Idleness


One of my greatest joys in life is the unparalleled satisfaction of resting after a long day of hard work.  I revel in the accomplishment of tasks completed, knowing that the work of my hands provided for the needs of my family or served another in some tangible way.   I love sinking into my favorite chair, bone weary, but satisfied with the industry of the day.  I was created to work - and work is good for my soul.

It used to be that people understood the importance of work.  In "Farmer Boy", Almanzo asked his father if they were going to have the threshing machine come in and thresh their grains for them.  The machines could accomplish in a few days what would take Almanzo and his father all winter to complete.  Fathers answer was emphatic - "That's a lazy man's way to thresh," Father said.  Haste makes waste, but a lazy man'd rather get his work done fast than do it himself.  That machine chews up the straw till it's not fit to feed stock, and it scatters grain around and wastes it.  All it saves is time, son.  And what good is time, with nothing to do?  You want to sit and twiddle your thumbs, all these stormy winter days?".  Father understood the need for a man to work!  He was aghast at the prospect of having nothing to do but twiddle his thumbs.  He would rather spend his winter days threshing grain and welcome sleep with a full days worth of industry tucked under his jacket, than spend his days in abject idleness.  Father knew that work was good for the soul.

We have forgotten that we were created to work.  Without work, we cannot truly enjoy rest.  Without work, entertainments and amusements are meaningless.  Work is not just an inconvenience, a necessary drudgery - it is part of our very life-blood, a key ingredient to our happiness and our well-being.  We were created to work.

Did you know that working is one of the Ten Commandments?  Neither did I.  I had never thought about it in those terms, until I was visiting with my folks one day.  They were talking about the 4th commandment, and spoke of it in a way that I had never considered before.  The fourth commandment says, "Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.  Six days shalt though labour, and do all thy work:  But the seventh day is the Sabbath of the LORD thy God: in it though shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates:  For in six days the LORD made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day, and hallowed it."  Do you see it?  God told us to WORK for six days and REST for one day.  Six days, God spent in industry and creation  When He had completed His masterpiece, in the form of man, He called it good.  And then he rested.  God's rest was a reward for His work.

Some time ago I read the heartbreaking account of a woman who lived in England during the industrial revolution.   She came from a good family, married well and established a household in the heart of London.  This gentlewoman produced a number of children, managed a household staff and spent hours providing for the less fortunate in society by the work of her hands.  She was the epitome of Victorian Industry.  After years of efficiently managing her husband's estate, this gentlewoman experienced a great reversal of fortunes.  Her husband, succumbing to drink and cards, squandered their substance and died penniless.  The woman, once the mistress of a fine estate, had been reduced to begging on the soot filled streets of London.  She owned nothing but the thread-bare clothes on her back and the worn, filthy shoes on her feet.  She endured the suffocating heat of summer and the icy chill of winter with no roof over her head.  She wore the same, soiled, tattered clothes day after day, with nothing more than a thin shawl to draw over her frail shoulders.  She lived out her days alone and reviled.  And do you know what this woman said was the most difficult, horrible part of her situation?  It was the fact that she knew nothing but idleness.  She didn't have the resources even to work, to be useful.  Idleness, not the fact that she was homeless, dirty and hungry, was the wretched burden that she had to bear.  Idleness.  She had no rest because she had no work.

We live in a time when W.O.R.K. has become the new four-letter word.  People spend their lives doing everything within their power trying to avoid work, as though it is something to despise.  Now we have a new generation of people who seem to believe that most work is beneath them.  And what has this new philosophy brought us?  Unhappiness, depression, rebellion.  God designed us to work and when we don't, we pay a steep price.  Children are happier when they have work to do.  They become confident.  They feel useful and needed.  Adults are the same way.  We NEED to work, in whatever capacity we are able.  Our well-being depends upon it.

When we don't encourage or even require our population or our children to work, we are stealing something very precious from them.  We are stealing their purpose and replacing it with the burden of idleness.  And that burden destroys the very soul of mankind.

Work is not something to avoid.  It is a gift, a joy.  Work - and be refreshed.

Monday, May 5, 2014

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words....



Here is a little slice of life from "Little Shouse on the Prairie"...

Master Hand Grenade, Miss Serenity & Sir Knight at the Patriot Rally

Maid Elizabeth waiting with  Miss Serenity (while listening to another speaker)

Miss Serenity taking the stage

And delivering her speech
Some friends recently opened their own "Thrift &  Gift" shop and Miss Serenity, Maid Elizabeth and I whipped up a couple of batches of caramel corn for their grand opening.  Their opening weekend was a tremendous success - just what our small town needed!

Cut down and folded paper lunch sacks

Caramel Corn recipe (can you guess the cookbook?)

Caramel Corn ready for the Grand Opening
Sir Knight, Master Hand Grenade and I spent a few hours on Saturday building a new raised garden bed.  We used oak timbers and incorporated the "butt & pass" method of construction.  Essentially, we butted the beams against each other and drove rebar through one beam into the other, then we added another layer (alternating the butt ends) and drove rebar through the ends again and also from the top layer through the bottom layer.  The end result - a raised bed that could take a direct hit!

Master Hand Grenade drilling a hole to drive the rebar through

Cutting rebar

Driving rebar into the ends of the beams

And through the top into the second beam

It's a beginning
This afternoon, God painted a beautiful sky for us to behold - a promise and a masterpiece!

One end of the rainbow


And the other

Our beautiful back yard
And that, dear friends, is a little slice of our life.

Thursday, May 1, 2014

The Girls are Here!


The 17th of April dawned cold and windy.  The fire crackled merrily in the cookstove and the weather was much more reminiscent of winter than it was spring.  Although I had varnished and prepared my new English Garden hives for their future occupants, bees were the furthest thing from my mind. 

Coming up the driveway from afternoon tea with friends, I immediately knew something was amiss.  Maid Elizabeth and Master Hand Grenade were waiting outside the front door, with looks of concern on their faces.  The bees had been delivered in my absence, but the weather was not at all conducive to hiving them.  I had roughly 22,000 bees buzzing contentedly on my kitchen counter.

Two packages of bees

In the package
With the wind blowing about 25 miles an hour, we knew that we would not be transferring the bees to their hive in the front yard, as we had planned.  Instead, we sprayed them with sugar syrup and left them sleeping on the counter overnight.  Not having a lot of options, the children and I cleared an area in the playhouse and began preparing to transfer the bees to their hives.  After getting the hives ready, we suited up, grabbed the packages of bees and made our way through the high winds to the confines of the playhouse. 

Neither Maid Elizabeth or I had ever re-hived honey bees (put them in a hive straight from a package), so this was a new experience for us all.  About 30 minutes before re-hiving, we doused the girls with a heavy layer of sugar syrup, so they would be well-fed and content.  Once in the playhouse, we took the top and the cover off of the hives and left only one super on the bottom boards.  Once the hives were ready to accept bees, we began the process of opening the packages.  First, we removed the cardboard that covered the top opening.  Once the cardboard was removed, it revealed the top of a tin can (that had contained sugar syrup for their trip).  Lifting the can carefully, we slid the cardboard (scraping the bees off the bottom of the can) back over the opening and discarded the can.  Sliding the cardboard over, but still keeping the opening covered, we pried loose the hanger for the queen cage and extracted the cage (again, wiping off the bees) from the package.  Once the queen cage was freed, we pried out the cork and poked a hole through the bee candy so that the bees could easily eat the candy and set the queen at liberty.  After we had prepared the queen cage, we slid it between the two middle frames in the hive and used a staple gun to secure it to the top of a frame.  After the queen was secure, we removed the cardboard, tipped the package over the top of the hive (over the frames) and proceeded to dump piles upon piles of bees into (and onto) the hive.  We gently brushed the bees with our hands and the bee brush, encouraging them to make their way into the frames and slowly slid the cover over the frames (we stopped just short of the front to allow the bees time to get nestled into the hive).  After all of the bees were in the hive we slid the cover into position and put the top on the hive.  Two packages of bees successfully hived!

Removing the cardboard cover

Extracting the sugary syrup can

Prying the Queen Cage loose

Peering into the opened package

Pouring bees into a hive


Using the bee brush to encourage them into the frames

Sliding the cover over the frames

A week after we put the bees into the hive, we once again suited up.  This time, we checked to see if the queens had been successfully released and were busy about repopulating.  Wow!  We couldn't believe how busy the girls had been.  Both of the queens had been released and were very busy laying brood.  The workers had also been incredibly busy, building comb everywhere.  In fact, after seeing their handiwork, we realized that we should have checked on the queens after about three days.  Because the queen cages had allowed a bit of extra room between two of the frames, the bees had gotten busy and filled that area with burr comb (comb that is built free-form, not in a frame).  The burr comb was filled with brood.  In an effort not to lose any brood, Maid Elizabeth and I pulled two frames that the bees had not yet begun to work with, popped out the foundation and stapled kitchen string criss-cross along one side.  Then, we lay the comb against the string, fitted it in tightly and affixed more string criss-cross along the other side to secure the comb.  After it was secured, we slid the frames back into the hive.

A frame of bees

Bees on a burr comb
The bees spent about two weeks in the playhouse, building, building, building, however, the weather had warmed up sufficiently for them to move outside.  We moved the bees a couple of days ago and now our backyard is buzzing with life.  The bees are busy about their tasks, contently flying and pollinating and gathering nectar.  When they return to the hive, their pollen sacks are so full they are barely able to make their landing.  The hives buzz with a contented hum of activity - the girls are gathering and preparing in this time of plenty so that they will be well cared for during the dark days of winter.  Oh, to learn from the humble bee!

Monday, April 28, 2014

I am Mary


I love my Bible.  Every time I pick it up, there is perfect wisdom waiting to fill my soul.  No matter how many times I read it, it is new every morning, lifting my spirit and narrowing my focus on the will of my Father.  My Bible is worn with years of use and smudged with tears of joy and sorrow and frustration.

Recently, I was making my through Luke.  As I read the account of Mary, I realized that Mary's story was not only the story of the young woman chosen to be the mother of our Savior, but it was my story as well.  You see, both Mary and I were filled with the Holy Spirit.  We were both chosen to carry our Savior - she in her womb and I in my heart.  We were both highly favored and blessed among women.  Mary and I, when we encountered the God of universe answered "Be it unto me according to thy word".

And if you are a follower of "The Way", then Mary's story is your story as well.  You, too, were called from among the people.  You were filled with the Holy Spirit.  You, in essence, became the "handmaid" of the Lord.

Think of it - Mary was just like you and I.  She was nothing special.  She was not from a wealthy family.  She was not highly educated.  We don't know if she was physically beautiful, but if she was, it was never mentioned.  She was just an ordinary girl. Yet she was chosen to bear the Savior of the world.  And, you - you ordinary, imperfect, undeserving human being, were also chosen.  You were chosen to be filled with the Holy Spirit and to bear the Savior to the lost.  You were chosen to be the Lord's handmaiden (or servant, if you prefer) and, in perfect faith say "Be it unto me according to thy Word".

Now, I sing Mary's song with a new voice.  I sing it with my voice, knowing that it is my song and my voice will rise to the heavens...

"My soul doth magnify the Lord.  And my spirit hath rejoiced in God my Savior.  For he hath regarded the low estate of his handmaiden: for, behold, from henceforth all generations shall call me blessed.  For he that is mighty hath done to me great things; and holy is his name.  And his mercy is on them that fear him from generation to generation.  He hath shewed strength with his arm; he hath scattered the proud in the imagination of their harts.  He hath put down the mighty from their seats, and exalted them of low degree.  He hath filled the hungry with good things; and the rich he hath sent empty away.  He hath holpen his servant Israel, in remembrance of his mercy;  As he spake to our fathers, to Abraham, and to his seed for ever."  Luke 1 47:55

Today, remember who you are.  You, dear ones, are chosen among the people.

Sunday, April 27, 2014

A Gift - and a Thank You

Yesterday, Maid Elizabeth returned from her job as a clerk at our local post office with a package cradled in her arms.  It was addressed to Enola Gay with a return address of Nevada.  The package was somewhat flat, with a typewritten enveloped taped to the back, along with an envelope containing product warranty information.    HP was emblazoned across the box - and I burst into tears.

My hands shook as I lifted a brand new burgundy (the color I would have chosen) colored laptop from its box.  Sir Knight sat across from me in humble astonishment at the unparalleled generosity of people that we had never met.  With the entire family gathered round, I read the letter from the folks that had gifted us this wonderful tool.  Their letter made us smile.  It was real.  It was kind.  It represented everything that is best in our fellow man.  Thank you.

I will do my best to put this wonderful gift to good use.  I have so many blogs rolling around in my head - now I can get them down on "paper".  I haven't the words to express my appreciation, so I'll use the inadequate but time tested - Thank you.

Monday, April 21, 2014

Patriot Day Speech

Grade: A+

Although I can't download the video yet, I thought I would post the contents of Miss Serenity's speech.  She did a wonderful job - we couldn't be prouder.

--------------------------------------------------

Hi, my name is Serenity McKie.  I'm 15 years old and a patriot.  I'm a little nervous to be in front of you all, but I'm homeschooled and my mom said this was my public speaking final!

I live in the country and have grown up in the woods, hunting everything and anything that was in season.  Last year I got my first big buck.  I was prone, shooting my dad's Styre SSG.  It was awesome!  I love hunting and the freedom it affords me, however, my right to hunt is not guaranteed by the constitution of the United States. My right to hunt is merely a right by default. It is my right because the 2nd Amendment has guaranteed that the people dictate their freedoms to the government- the government does not dictate freedom to the people. And we the people have chosen to give ourselves the freedom to hunt.

In truth the Bill Of Rights  does nothing to secure my right to enjoy shooting sports, to target practice, or to shoot clay pigeons. It does however, dictate the responsibility of maintaining freedom to the citizens of the United States . Liberty can only be maintained by a free people- governments, by their very definition, are incapable if granting freedom. As a citizen, it is my solemn duty to own, maintain and have the working knowledge to efficiently operate a military style weapon to safeguard and protect the freedoms set fort in the constitution.

The Second Amendment to the Constitution of the Untied States reads, " A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free stare, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed". Essentially, that statement effectively makes the American citizens an armed police force. It is the fundamental duty of every American to police there own government, protecting the freedom if their fellow man against an overreaching, tyrannical government. As a nation, we have failed in this mandate. We have ceases to exercise our authority and in the process, we have become a nation if subjects rather then a nation of citizens.

I may be only 15, but I have a vision of what this country could become if we are willing to exercise our authority as free men. The Constitution is our Magna Charta, our Great Charter, and the 2nd  Amendment is it's enforcement. But, we must choose- will we converge on Runnymede and demand our freedom or will we condemn ourselves and our children to a life of peasantry in the service of our Lords and Masters?

Today, we make a stand. We choose what is good, what is right. We choose liberty and freedom and a future.  We choose to govern ourselves and bear the responsibilities and consequences of freedom. In the words if J. Michael Straczynski;

" Doesn't matter what the press says. Doesn't matter what the politicians or the mobs say. Doesn't matter if the whole country decides that something wrong is something right. This nation was founded on one principle above all else: The requirement that we stand up for what we believe, no matter the odds or consequences. When the mob and the press and the whole world tells you to move, your job is to plant yourself like a tree beside the river of truth and tell the whole world- NO, you Move!"








Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Radio Silence

I will be going silent for a time.  Hopefully it won't be long - but as we all find out at point or another, when it rains, it pours.

Sir Knight and I have been burdened with a fairly heavy tax bill this year, argh!  It is highly annoying, but we are managing.  Our belts have tightened to the point of suffocation but God is good and we always have what we NEED.  

Yesterday my computer up and quit - with no warning!  Maid Elizabeth did manage to recesitate it long enough for me to download some documents to a thumb drive that I would have been bereft without (including a novel that I have been writing) and backup everything important.  

At this point a new computer is not on the top of our priority list.  With that in mind, please forgive my anticipated "Radio Silence".  I will post as I am able (I am writing this on a borrowed iPad), including Miss Serenity's speech for the 2nd Amendment rally, however my posts will be few and far between.


Also, my opportunity to return emails is limited - I can only use our phone.  If you email, I will do my best to send you at least a few lines.

Until then,

Enola and Family

P.S.  I have such incredibly wonderful readers!  Your concern is so appreciated, but really, we are doing just fine.  Taxes are an inconvenience, but nothing more.  We are blessed beyond measure and want for nothing.  I am just waiting for a bit to take my computer in to the smart folks at the Genius Bar and have them take a look.  As with everybody else, it is just a matter of budgeting my time and money properly.  Thank you everyone for your words of encouragement.  You are all wonderful gifts.


Thursday, April 10, 2014

The Valley of Runnymede


John Lackland (so named because his father did not deed him any land) was the younger brother of Richard Coeur de Lion - the lion hearted - and usurper to the English throne.  He was wicked and cruel and his greed knew no boundaries.  His lust for money and power was insatiable.  He routinely had the leading men of his country tortured and killed in order to seize their wealth and exercise his complete and total dominion.

From the safety of Windsor Castle, John Lackland commanded the country people to drive their cattle into camp to supply his soldiers with food.  For the people of Wales, this was one act of tyranny too many.  They refused.  In retaliation, King John seized 28 sons of the chief families and imprisoned them.  With their blood boiling, the Welshmen flew to arms.  Their insubordination quickly resulted in the summary execution of the sons of Wales.  King John had decisively subdued a rebellion and secured his position as Lord and King.  Or had he?

The year is 1215.  The barons and lords have organized themselves into a great army.  In fact, they called themselves the "Army of God".  They will no longer be subject to the King and his tyranny.   They have sent their demands to King John, who, with great oaths and swearing, refuses to grant them liberties.  The Barons determine that if the king will not grant their petition, they will secure it by the sword.

Although a tyrant, King John is also a coward.  He fears being seized by the "Army", and sends word the the Barons that he will meet them at Runnymede, on the 15th of June, and grant what they desire.

The "Army of God" ascends on the Valley of Runnymede.  All of the great men of England are present - lords and barons and nobles.  They wear coats of mail and carry swords and lances.  They are there to obtain freedom and liberty.  They will not take "NO" for an answer.

The Barons produce a great parchment detailing their demands.  Upon its signing it will become the law of the land.  Amidst the vast legion of armed men, King John puts his name and seal to this great document, not even reading its contents.  It is the Magna Charta - the Great Seal - and it is the first document granting freedom and liberty to the people.

Tyrants, whether they take the form of a single Monarch or of a vast government, will never willingly give up their power and authority.  No amount of debating, talking or cajoling will cause them to release their iron grip on the rights of the people.   Their force can only be met by a united people demanding their liberty.

Our Runnymede may well be in a valley in Nevada.  Our Great Charter has already been drafted, signed and sealed - all that is required is an army, dressed in mail, armed with swords and possessing the hearts of free men.

* I wrote this about the current events happening at the Bundy Ranch in Nevada.  I must admit that I do not think that the "mob" mentality that is currently being displayed will do anything to encourage or achieve liberty.  Restraint and strength, a discipline of the tongue, will always yield results worthy of truly free men.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Getting Ready for Spring.....and Pugliese



We have been busy, busy, busy getting ready for spring!  There are so many things to be done.  Miss Serenity helped me varnish the English garden hives that we bought (the bees should be here the end of the month) and Master Hand Grenade is building raised beds and helping repair various things around the homestead.  Today, he replaced a pane of glass that had fallen out of the cold frame.  It was just held in with silicone and little else, so he scraped the old sealant out of the frame, replaced the glass, put two screws in each side (for added support) and re-siliconed the glass in place.  After Princess Dragon Snack and I weeded, we added some chicken manure, watered it a bit and will patiently wait for a week or two before planting.  I can't wait to see seedling popping their heads out of the warm, moist earth!

Varnished Hive

Repaired Cold Frame
Even though the evenings are longer, I have been settling in to read a bit here and there.  Currently, I am making my way through "Starting Right With Bees".  It was published in the 40's and is chock full of great information.  Maid Elizabeth brought it home for me after a recent excursion to a local antique store.  I can say with some authority that it was worth every penny of the $2 asking price!

Light Evening Reading
In between all of the spring clean-up, I have been baking for my family (I know, a real surprise!).  Last night we feasted.  We partook of a decadent meal of grilled chicken breast and homemade fettuccine Alfredo accompanied by a  fresh loaf of Pugliese, a regional Italian bread.  Not a word was spoken as we ate, but the dinner table was far from silent.  Contented groans came from every corner!  That is nothing short of music to a cooks ear!

Please bear with me as I write when I get a chance.  If I'm not writing, you can be assured that I'm up to my elbows in dirt, or bees or building!  I'll keep you posted.


Pugliese

10 1/2 C bread flour
2 T salt
2 T yeast
1 tsp. sugar
4 C water, warm
1/2 C olive oil (Extra Virgin - the good green stuff!)

Mix together the water, sugar and yeast.  Let stand for 5 to 10 minutes or until it starts to become foamy (sponging).  Add 1/2 the flour and all of the salt and mix.  Add the olive oil (the better quality oil, the better the bread).  Continue to add flour until the dough is soft but not sticky and holds its shape.  Knead for 10 minutes or until it becomes very smooth and elastic.

Shape the dough into a ball and place it in an oiled bowl.  Cover with a dish towel and allow to rise at room temperature, away from drafts, until the dough has doubled in size, 1 to 3 hours.

Gently turn out the dough onto a greased baking sheet, without punching it down.  Gently pull out the sides of the dough, then tuck them underneath to make a neat, pillow-like round loaf.  Do this several times, but do not knead the dough, punch it down, or turn it over.

Cover the dough with a dish towel and let rise, away from drafts, until it has almost doubled in size, 1 to 1 1/2 hours.  During the last 15 minutes of rising, heat the oven to 450°.  Lightly dust the loaf with flour.  Bake the bread for 20 minutes at 450° then lower the oven temperature to 375° and bake for 25 to 35 minutes longer, or until the loaf is nicely browned and sounds hollow when tapped underneath.

Makes 1 LARGE loaf.


Ready for the Oven


Warm and Savory

Sunday, March 30, 2014

Forget About Gun Control - Let's Talk About Government Control

Miss Serenity is preparing for her biggest school final of the year.  She has been tapped to speak at this years 2nd Amendment Rally being held in Coeur D'Alene, Idaho on April 19th.  Her speech is finished, her note cards prepared and she is steeling herself to speak in front of a large, armed contingent of fellow patriots.  This will be her public speaking final.  It is essentially pass/fail, which I've always thought was easier.  I expect her to knock it out of the park!

Serenity's speech outlines the real purpose of the 2nd Amendment - explaining in concise detail the American citizen's responsibility in securing their free state.

Of course, we are not the only ones to realize the deadly course we have chosen to allow our government to follow - the video link below outlines the only possible outcome of our unchecked government.

If you are in the area, and want to hear Miss Serenity and other patriots speak about the 2nd Amendment, the rally will be held at the North Idaho Fair Grounds on Saturday, April 19th at 12:00p.m.

I hope to see you there!



Tuesday, March 25, 2014

The Blessings of "NO"


Most of you know that Sir Knight and I have had the desire to sell our homestead and move for a number of years.  When we originally bought our property, we had intended to live here forever.  We even purchased land with very few zoning requirements, hoping that one day we could subdivide and provide our children with plots of land to build their own homes, essentially creating a family "compound".

As our children grew older, our hopes and desires changed.  We found ourselves longing to move closer to my parents, to have our children grow up near their grandparents.  We wanted to become a community of generational living - all having our own homes, but in close enough proximity to shoulder each others burdens and share in each others daily lives.

Having a clear direction, we put our property on the market and began looking at options in the vicinity of my parent's.  Convinced that we would be moving shortly, I spent weeks packing all but the essentials and storing the boxes tidily in the horse trailer - anxiously awaiting moving day.

Quickly, we found the perfect property for our family.  It was a HUGE old house on 20 acres, complete with a barn, chicken house, garage and two ponds.  The house was rambling and quirky and full of character - a perfect fit.  The children had picked out their rooms and I was redecorating the house in my mind.  My thoughts were filled with hope and joy.  We made an offer on the house (full price, even) with the condition that our property sold.  Our offer was summarily rejected.  I prayed and prayed and prayed.  Sir Knight and I talked and planned and gave it another shot.  We made yet another offer, sweetening the pot, but to no avail.  Our offer was rejected again.  I was crushed.

The truth of the matter is that even if the homeowners had accepted our offer, our property hadn't sold.  An accepted offer wouldn't have made a whole hill of beans difference, we couldn't buy our dream property.  God had spoken.  The answer was "NO".

That was the beginning of a cycle of highs and lows, impossible hopes and dashed dreams.  Over the next few years, we would find ourselves hoping against hope that this property or that was finally the "one", only to be told "NO".   My best girlfriend's mother decided to sell their family home.  I had practically grown up there - it had to be the one!  NO.  A piece of property came for sale right down the road from my folks (where there is very little privately-held land - and it never goes up for sale) - that was the perfect piece!  NO.  Again and again and again, our dreams evaporated.

I would like to say that I took all of this gracefully, with perfect peace and contentment, but the truth is that I raged inside.  I cried and I questioned and I felt abandoned by God.  I kept thinking that if I just did all of the right things, if I tried harder, that everything would fall into place.  It seemed, however, that the harder I tried to make things happen, the more resounding the NO became.

I felt trapped.  My best efforts where for naught.  Our circumstances were less than desirable, but we couldn't seem to change them.  We couldn't sell, we couldn't move, we couldn't even change our current living arrangements without going into untenable debt.

I have to admit it - I was angry with God.  I had watched Him bless many of our friends abundantly, extravagantly - yet His constant answer to our family was NO.  No, you can't sell.  No, you can't move.  No, you can't live in a house.  No, you can't enjoy the ease and comfort of a normal life - even for a little while.  No, Sir Knight can't get a job that is easier on his body.  No, no, no!  And the worst part?  I hated my lack of faith.  I hated the fact that I questioned God.  In my head I knew of His faithfulness, His goodness.  In my head I knew that His plan for our family was perfect.  I just couldn't see the forest through the trees and I hated my lack of vision.  I was broken.

So, what did I do?  I hit my knees and cried out to my Lord.  I told Him of my anger.  I poured out my soul.  I asked for His forgiveness for my lack of faith.  I begged Him to sustain me through the valley of unbelief.  I prayed to desire His will alone and to live my life according to the will of my Father.  I practiced contentment, reminding myself of His many blessings on a daily, even hourly basis.  I sought to understand the very character of God.

I am so thankful that God loved me enough to tell me NO.  Through the years of disappointments and struggles, God has drawn me closer to Him.  He has shown me the depths of His love and the reservoirs of His grace.  He has taught me that we can't earn His favor, yet He delights in giving good gifts to His children, even when they don't deserve them.  He has taught me that His best work is often done under the shadow of grief and that hope is renewed every morning.  He has taught me that when I am at the end of my human strength, He will uphold me with His mighty right hand.  He has given me eyes to see and ears to hear - and that alone is worth every disappointment and every hour of suffering.

And here we are.  We still have not sold our property.  We still have no prospects of moving nearer my parents.  Sir Knight still works at a job that is very hard on his every joint and muscle.  We still don't live in a house.  We still have hopes and dreams and desires unfulfilled.  Our circumstances have not changed - but my faith has.  Every morning I wake with a mind filled with hope.  Not necessarily the hope of selling and moving and having an easier life, but the hope that God's perfect will will be done - that He is still on His throne and that He holds me in the palm of His hand.  I have the hope and the assurance that whatever God does with this family is right - whether it is accomplished here in "Little Shouse on the Prairie" or in the mountains of my youth.  I am exactly where God wants me!

If God had allowed all of the desires of my heart to be immediately and completely fulfilled, I would never have experienced the blessings of being told "No".  I would not have raged and questioned and cried until finally falling to my knees in submission.  I would never have scratched the surface of my faith.

I still would love to sell and move.  I would love to live in a house and see my husband working at a job that is not so physically draining.  But I am content.  I am content because I know that I can trust God with our lives.  I know that His plan is to prosper us and not to harm us.  And I know that being in the center of His will is exactly where I want to be.