Tuesday, January 6, 2015

What Should We Do?


Thank you so much for your wonderful comments!  I have thoroughly enjoyed reading them all, especially from those of you who are disabled and/or have (or had) small children.

As you can imagine, Sir Knight, the children and I were in agreement with the vast majority of you - the woman with the small children should have used the larger stall and the lady in the wheelchair should have graciously waited.  What really surprised us was "Dear Abby's" response.  In her column, she stated that the handicap stall was reserved for handicapped people only and the woman at the end of the line in the wheelchair should have been given preference.

Truthfully, I don't think it really boils down to an issue of mobility but rather is an issue of courtesy.  In my experience, most people do their best to be courteous to one another.  Had I been in that bathroom I would have encouraged the woman behind me with the small children to use the handicap stall, just as I would have given preference to the woman in the wheelchair had she been behind me.  I am relatively certain the handicapped woman referred to in the "Dear Abby" column would have been quickly ushered into the handicap stall had she been gracious rather than rude.  She had an opportunity to encourage charity and understanding, instead she chose the disheartening attitude of selfishness.

The unfortunate truth is that sometimes we can't seem to win regardless of what we do.  If we allow the person behind us to "cut in line", the person at the end of the line gets irritated.  If we open the door for someone, they very well may hurl the insult of "I can do that myself!".  Even offering a seat to an older person can be offensive - "I'm not old" they often quip.  In our self-centered society even the most courteous of actions can be misconstrued as blatantly offensive.  What are we to do?

The answer is simple, really.  We do the right thing.  We are kind, we are courteous and we are gracious.  No. Matter. What.  It doesn't matter how someone else responds, we are responsible for our own actions - every time.  We do not have the ability to control how others respond.  We can't make them behave correctly.  We can't force them to react the way we think they should.  The only person we have control of is ourselves.  And therein lies the rub.  It is our responsibility to control ourselves. Every time!  We need to control our tongues, our tempers and even our thoughts.  Our person is under our authority!  We are our own responsibility.  No. Matter. What.

I'm pretty sure the answer to "What should we do?" is "The right thing".  If we held ourselves and our children accountable to that simple precept our country would look a whole lot different.

15 comments:

  1. I think you did the right thing. God Bless.

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  2. Where is it written that handicapped stalls are for handicapped only? Is that the law? Then no one is allowed to use that facility even when no handicapped person is waiting? What a world!!

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  4. "Sigh" guess if they had known better they would have done better. Common sense, good manners well worth using every day .

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  5. There is a difference between having a handicapped access stall available, & having it reserved. To my understanding, businesses must provide access to a handicapped accessible stall, but are not required to reserve it. That is likely why the diaper changing table was in the handicapped stall. Parking stalls for the handicapped, ARE reserved, & one must have the designated license plate or hang tag to park there. Even tho the parking stalls ARE reserved, they are also often full. I just had knee replacements, & was unable to walk very far, but I could make it into the store with crutches & then ride the little cart to do the grocery shopping. The experience opened my eyes somewhat, as I realized that I could not shop in the evening or on the weekends, since during those times, typically bith the handicapped stalls & the carts were already in use.

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  6. Welcome back. Your posts are such a delight. Thank-you for the time and effort you put into this blog. As to the subject matter, I would defer to the mom with the young kids and let them go ahead of me. Hands down, every time. Like you said, for me that is the right behavior. Courtesy and compassion. SJ in Vancouver BC

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  7. I suppose it's a commentary on the times in which we live, but I have taken to pausing at a door, turning to the woman behind me and asking, "May I?" before I just hold the door open for her. That having been said my query is always with a smile and "Sure." Upon meeting hesitation, I have on occasion made the comment, "I can only be a gentleman if you let me." That usually does the trick.

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  8. Enola,

    Amen!!! You hit the bulls eye with your answer.
    Being held accountable......

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  9. I had a similar situation occur while waiting in line at a Walmart checkout. The woman in front of me was in one of those motorized carts provided by Walmart. Another cashier opened up a lane right next to us and was quickly filled with three people checking out with just a handful of items each. The woman in the cart got up out of the cart, walked over to the poor cashier and proceeded to berate her for not calling her over with her full cart of items to be checked out. The cashier apologized and the woman got back in her cart. While we were waiting, the cashier check out 5 other patrons before the woman in the cart had even unloaded her heaping cart of items. Once she had loaded her items, she walked back over to the cashier and again jabbed her by asking how many people she had now checked out, since those people should have waited behind her, right? Handicapped or not, you are judged by how you treat other people, not how people are supposed to treat you. The trial of being handicapped is an opportunity to accept more of God's grace, not to make other people feel like crap because they are whole.

    Renee

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  10. We should just keep trying to be courteous. That's all we can do. Sometimes it will be enough, and sometimes it won't.

    With my disabilities, I tend to assume I've done something wrong in the case that it's not enough. Perhaps I am mistaken in that judgment; I don't know.

    All we can do is keep extending courtesy and common decency, and try to pardon others when they fail to do the same. Even odds, they're decent people who are just having a really, really bad day.

    If we do that, we're representing God and setting an example. Being the change we want to see in the world.

    God Bless, Enola. It's good to see you back.

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  11. Some people seem to be hardwired to do the right thing-not me. There's been way more than a few times I know I was way off course. I try to do the right thing, but often fall way short. What's sort of troublesome to me is when I'm completely oblivious to being way off the guiding beam...bad enough to suspect you're off course, worse to not realize it..

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  12. remember we can't change another persons behavior/situation ONLY how we behave or react to that situation...always treat others as we would like to be treated even when the other person does not treat us or others well... most people do not have good coping skills when well and upon getting sick or disabled become bitter and angry...but always try to ask yourself What Would Jesus Do?? and you will ALWAYS handle any situation the right way

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  13. This is exactly why our family loves yours. May it ever be so. -Your RV Friends

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  14. According to the American with Disabilities Act of 1990, public restrooms have to be accessible to the handicapped/disabled. No where does it state that you must be eligible to use the accessible toilet. End of story.
    As an aside, I once had a good friend, a paraplegic, tell me that it is a felony to strike a disabled person.
    I politely informed her that it is a felony to strike ANYONE and she had a "aha" moment.

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  15. I believe handicapped stalls are reserved in the UK (an idea I've gotten from BBC TV shows which use this to comic effect), perhaps other nations as well? The real need is for architects to design bathrooms with real people and real needs in mind. How many times have you seen a bathroom stall where the door opens inward, leaving little to no standing space between the toilet and the door? And how many of those bathrooms have lots of space otherwise? At college I use a wheeled bag to haul my books around (bad back) and I can't get myself and the cart in a typical stall. Usually no one is about and I'll use the handicapped stall or go to the one restroom which has two extra-wide non- handicapped stalls. The doors also open outward; I bless the architect who designed those! Someone had sense. Now if only they would use those designs in some mall /supermarket restrooms, the world would be a happier place :)

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