Monday, November 5, 2012

Not Me!

Have you ever noticed that the minute anything bad happens there is a chorus of "Not Me" that echos from the destruction?  Even if the culprits own up to the actual wrongdoing, they still excuse themselves from responsibility by laying their poor behavior squarely at the feet of someone else.  "I ran them off the road because he flipped me the finger!" or "I only punched him in the face because he lipped off to me!". When people break into a house and steal everything that isn't nailed down it's because they where hungry, or underprivileged or ignored by their parents.  When they rape someone it is because they were abused as a child or were turned down by the girl of their dreams or because they were just having a bad day.  Nobody seems to be responsible for their own selves - there are always extenuating circumstances.

There is a constant refrain in our home - "YOU are responsible for your actions".  When our older son picks his sister and blames her for his actions because "she picked me first", he is held responsible.  We often ask him, "Does Serenity control you?  Is she in charge of what you do"?  Well, of course this is offensive to his person, as it should be.  No, she doesn't control him.  He, alone, has that honor.  And he has to be responsible for his actions, no matter what anyone does around him.

An acquaintance of mine has a challenging son.  He is big for his age and is somewhat of a bully.  He is disruptive in school and is a regular in the principles office.  Other children don't like him and parents shield their children from him.  This is not a terrible kid, just an undisciplined one.  His future, however, does not look promising.  His parents, thinking they are helping him, are actually crippling him.  They excuse his behavioral problems in the classroom by saying that he is "very intelligent" and bored at school.  They keep moving him from one group of friends to another, hoping they can find some that will be "nice" to him.  They pick up his toys, cut up his food and never require him to control himself.  Any time this young man gets himself into trouble, his parents pat his head, smooth back his hair and tell him that it's not him - everyone else is just being mean.

And that is who is running our country.

We can't expect our nation to become a nation of honor unless we teach our children to be people of honor.  How can we expect our leaders to conduct themselves in a disciplined, prudent manner unless we train our children to conduct themselves in a disciplined manner.   The short answer is, we can't.


  1. Enola,


    I was thinking about the election today also. Maybe anyone who wants to be a leader should not be trusted. Myself, I would trust military leaders more from personal experiece. In the best case scenario (which does not always happen) they have to work there way up the ranks and earn their leadership. Some individuals are "thrusted" into leadership roles and many rise to the occasion and become hero's like one of my favorites, Sargent York in World War One.

    I also knew a kid that was spoiled and induled as a child. Later he became a world class marijuania user, dropped out of high school. He got his head striaght, got off the dope. Got his GED, got some college credit hours, and with my urging in 1991, he joined the Coast Guard.

    This individual became a Corpman (Medic) got his two year degree. Became an E-5, applied for and got sent to Medical School to become a Pysicians Assistant. He graduated, got commisioned as a First Leutenient. He just retired after 20 years in the Coast Guard. He has kids, big house etc.

    As a kid, he was completly out of control.

  2. Agreed. Heck, I know adults that I work w/ that act just like what you described. Pretty darn sad.

    1. That is because their parents raised them to be children (or they were raised properly but resented it and ran off to have another go at perpetual childhood). They are so difficult to work with, too; I'm sorry you must put up with them.


  3. I laughed when I saw your comment, Does your sister control you?, I say that to my granddaughters all the time. The older one kicks the younger one cuz she was mean.........and on and on it goes.

    My two daughters were brought up with that phrase also. They now use it with their kids too!

    You are so right, many folks don't take responsibility and make excuses for their kids and themselves. It is about honor and admitting that you made a bad choice. We talk alot about good choices and bad choices and the consequences of both to my grandchildren and at 7 and 5 they don't always make the best choice but they are aware that every decision has a consequence, good and bad.

    As an aside, I read your blog faithfully. While I live and work in a larger city, I find our values are similar and I enjoy reading about how your family copes with day to day living. My kids grew up in an entirely different setting, but many of your stories are the same as mine. Kids are kids no matter where they are!

    From the time my girls were little, I sewed most of their clothes, I canned fruits and veggies, made bread, and home made food. Both of my kids are good cooks and bring that same thought to their families. We shop farmer's markets; attempt to garden, although not too successful in that just yet. But my grandchildren loved to "harvest" the tomatoes, raspberries and peppers that sort of grew this year. They have saved the pumpkin seeds from the Halloween pumpkin and want to plant those next year.

    Thanks for being an inspiration and sharing your stories and thoughts.

  4. I have some adult relatives who fit the description.. Bullies are something of a protected species now-not only are you not allowed to fight back, you can't even call him names! You may find yourself in worse trouble than the bully. 'Splain that to me. When I was in school, the bully was your problem. What happened to the bully was his problem. Generally, the bully would be "invincible" until someone got tired of him and stomped him,at which point the bully lost his "invicible" status, and got a few more grudge stompings from those he'd picked on before.
    I have an older cousin who is a classic freeloader-almost to the point of being an inanimate object parked in front of the idiot box. His support has suddenly and unexpectedly been withdrawn,and he's soon to undergo a rapid lifestyle change-and no one is willing to help him now..The are always consequences, even though sometimes they don't appear for decades.

  5. I home-schooled my children, now in their early 20's, on their own and productive members of society. My phrase was, when you are in trouble and being punished, don't be mad at me . Be mad at the face in the mirror! Then I would ask them at whom were they angry and why? Their response needed to be, 'me' and the reason they were in trouble. I also explained to my kids (especially my son who was a bit more challenging) One of the greatest traits an (adult or man or woman) can have is self-control. I would point out areas where adults showed self control and where self control would have helped him not be in trouble at the moment. Worked well for our family. Wish more people would raise their children with self control and taking responsibility for their actions. We wouldn't be in the mess we are in if they had.

  6. Enola,


    I don't know how to put this to you guys in the American Redounbt, but get ready for the possibility of a "Former Texan" to relocate up there in due time.

    To say that I am dismayed at the election results is an overstatement. I am now convinced that Americans want to live under a socialist system. What evan is worse is the amount of Texans that voted "Democrat"

    I have the devine right to defend myself. I have a devine right to speak with voice God gave me, I also have a devine right to choose my own destiny and live free from tyranny.

    all that I wrote above is in the Constitution (it wont be there much longer)

    1. I'm another Texan that thought that same thing when I saw the election results last night. In fact the scripture about "head for the hills" comes to mind! (Mark 13:14) Can Idaho hold any more Texans?

      Seriously though, any input on moderate climate locations would be greatly appreciated! Can only take so much cold! It would be nice to have all 4 seasons, instead of 11 months of summer and 1 month of winter!

    2. I don't know about where Enola is... ('up north' from near as where I can tell)... But com'on UP! I'm a "Grits" myself... and I think of all 'southern' places I've visited that Texans are as close to Idahoan thinking as we can get. I often think that Idahoans are long-lost southerners.
      I'm in SW Idaho... and I've lived all over the country... I love it here.
      Trying to connect with others in Idaho... trying to get something 'going'.

      Yes... we usually have all 4 seasons. (Fall is not long enough tho!)

    3. Yes, I'm sure we can take a few more Texan's! I do have some ideas about where to re-locate. Email me directly and I will give you the skinny.


  7. May God have mercy on us. He has removed His hand from our nation, allowing us to destroy ourselves from within.

    All I could think about this morning was how thankful I am that my grandparents are not alive to see that all that they fought for...LITERALLY FOUGHT FOR... has been flushed down the toilet.

    I am praying that my husband and I can be of one accord and relocate our family to a more secure place. It has long been my conviction that we needed to do out his retirement while it's still there (for goodness sake...), sell our home for whatever we can get for it, and leave. Ohio is the last place I want to be anymore.

    If any of you can spare a quick prayer, please pray for God's will to be made known to my husband and me. Blessings to you all. I'm in mourning.

  8. I'm sad to be an american today. Agree with heather.

    1. Ditto. Lots of tears. (Thanks for sharing... I thought I was alone on this one.)