Friday, February 25, 2011

Perhaps I qualify as a Redneck!?!

Maid Elizabeth and I picked up a book at the thrift store the other day with the express purpose of entertaining ourselves on the drive home.  It was called the "Redneck Extreme Mobile Home Makeover" by Jeff Foxworthy.  Maid Elizabeth read the jokes out loud to us (Master Hand Grenade, Miss Calamity, Princess Dragon Snack and Master Calvin were all enjoying the ride) as we made our way home from town.  We were all laughing uproariously and then, the jokes started hitting a little too close to home.   This is the sad state in which we find ourselves....

You Might Be A Redneck If....

  • Your central heating system consists of leaving the oven door open.
  • Your lawnmower says, Moo".
  • Nothing in your refrigerator was purchased at a store.
  • Your shotgun sees more action than your lawn mower.
  • You've tightened a loose screw with your fingernail.
  • You've ever hollered, "You kids quit playing on that sheet metal!".
  • The curtains in your living room are camouflage.
  • You have to go outside to get something out of the fridge.
  • Anything in your home is running off a forklift battery.
  • You think "prime real estate" is the chair next to the wood cookstove.
  • Going to the bathroom in the middle of the night requires shoes and a flashlight.
  • Any of your wedding gifts came from an Army Navy store.
  • You're saving up to gravel your driveway.
  • Your lawn fertilizer was in your cow about five minutes earlier.
  • You've ever had to have a wrecker pull your car out of a pothole in your driveway.
  • You don't have electricity in every room of your house.
  • You've ever heard "I told you it was loaded" while staring at a hole in your ceiling.
  • Privacy in your bathroom means singing loudly.
  • You've bandaged a wound with duct tape.
  • You've ever moved furniture in a horse trailer.
  • You use your bathroom plunger every day.
  • You've ever been stuck in your own driveway.
  • You stockpile pork and beans.
  • Drying your clothes depends upon the weather.
Are we rednecks?  I'll let you be the judge!


  1. All I can say is that I only qualify for HALF of those!!!!

  2. Guilty! Too funny :)


  3. Bwahaha, that's great.
    Interesting how history has a way of repeating itself though... :)

  4. Fun, fun fun! LOL. Yep, we qualify, and we aren't even on a "real" homestead yet, he he. Thanks the laughs.

    BTW I'm praying for Maid Elizabeth! What a great calling. Jennifer

  5. On "The Office" the other night, Dwight was eating up his food stock before it expired. Someone said, "You're eating 8-year-old tomatoes" and I thought, "only 8? They'll be good longer than that!"

  6. That's a great list and I can certainly relate!
    I tell people that's why I have long hair - to cover up my bright Red Neck! LOL.


  7. Proud to admit to some of those characteristics!

    Enola, Have you noticed that you are an honoree of JW,Rawles editor of for the



  8. I am curious, would you consider doing a post on how much ammo one should possibly have? We are trying to prepare and the Mr. feels ammo is more important. I feel we need to prep both.

  9. Wait a second!!! Has Mr. Foxworthy been in touch with my family back east in VA.... or in GA?
    ROTFLOL! And to think... the mean kids in school used to make fun of the vo-tech & 4-H kids. Yea, well we'll see who's laughing last!

    And I think that "Jeff's" great grandfather... and my dad's grandfather.... were brother's? Like anybody would really care... maybe that's where the 'redneck' comes from in my family!!! I'm actually related somehow! But then again, aren't we all!

    Me... I had to laugh when the hubby pulled the truck up to the gate in the snow... I was like "what are you doing?". We had to cut the electric fence to get the 4x4 out onto the street in order to pull the truck out. But then I made the mistake of having the parking brake on in the truck the whole time he was pulling me with the 4x4. So neither one of us got away w/out a 'fault tix' on that day! Just another adventure in bfe!