Product Review - Augason Farms Potato Soup

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Years ago, we used to buy Bear Creek Potato Soup (dehydrated) in #10 tins at Costco.  We loved it.  We would try stock up on it occasionally, but we used it as fast as we could buy it.  It was convenient, simple and tasty.

As much as we like the Bear Creek Soup, the price rose to the point that we could no longer afford it.  And then, horror of horrors, the #10 tins devolved into smaller, plastic tubs before it disappeared from Costco altogether.  Every once in a while, we would indulge in a packet of Bear Creek soup from the grocery store, but it was really too expensive to be a practical stock up item.

This year for Christmas my parents presented us with a gift of Augason Farms Potato Soup (it is so cool having preppers for parents!).  The Augason Farms soups come in #10  tins (plastic is not an oxygen barrier).  It costs about $15.00 dollars a can (give or take) and is available both on-line and in numerous retail outlets, such as Walmart and Rosaurs.

We were anxious to give it a try and see if it measured up to our expectations.  It did and we're hooked.  It tastes every bit as good as the Bear Creek soup and is much more cost effective.  It is highly seasoned (to the point that we didn't need to add salt or pepper) and in fact, I think it could be greatly thinned-out.  The proportions given to mix the soup up produces an almost chowder-like consistency.  Because the soup is so flavorful, I think you could easily (nearly) double the water and still have a great soup.

Because the soup is dehydrated and packaged in #10 tins, the shelf life is practically indefinite.  It is rodent proof, earth quake proof and EMP proof (O.K., so all food is EMP proof, but I was grasping here).

Really, it is more cost effective to buy wheat, oats, beans and other long-term storage foods, but for a convenience food, Augason Farms Potato soup can't be beat.  And, I can see a time when the daily stress of living in a post-TEOTWAWKI world would be greatly alleviated by an occasional taste of pre-TEOTWAWKI "fast food".

Our post-collapse diet will continue to rely heavily on our stored whole foods, however, we will definitely put in a supply of the potato soup.  It is fast, filling and tastes oh-so good.

It is always exciting to find yet another worthy product to add to our stored food reserves.  This is most assuredly worth its 4 star rating.

*(I'm sure there are more nutritionally power packed foods than this dehydrated soup, hence the 4 star rating).

Our Up and Coming Leaders?

Apparently, Princess Dragon Snack's peers have been busy.  Unbeknownst to me, state educated 8 year olds are consumed with the inequality of mankind.  Where have I gone wrong?  Princess Dragon Snack is too engrossed with blending her sounds and choosing between braids and pig tails to be focused on composing socially conscious lyrics for a school program.  Poor home schooled kid!

According to the school administration, the children write their own lyrics, which the school does not censor.  So, if this song is an accurate portrayal, this is what the average American 8 year old is thinking....

Some people have it all
But they still don’t think they have enough
They want more money
A faster ride
They’re not content
Never satisfied
Yes — they’re the 1 percent

I used to be one of the 1 percent
I worked all the time
Never saw my family
Couldn’t make life rhyme
Then the bubble burst
It really, really hurt
I lost my money
Lost my pride
Lost my home
Now I’m part of the 99

Some people have it all
But they still don’t think they have enough
They want more money
A faster ride
They’re not content
Never satisfied
Yes — they’re the 1 percent

I used to be sad, now I’m satisfied
’Cause I really have enough
Though I lost my yacht and plane
Didn’t need that extra stuff
Could have been much worse
You don’t need to be first
’Cause I’ve got my friends
Here by my side
Don’t need it all
I’m so happy to be part of the 99

And to think that I thought our 8 year olds should be thinking about how many dolly's they should invite to their tea party!

Read more.....

The REAL Sir Knight and Enola Gay Family

I received a comment the other day that I had to address.  It is important to me never to present our family in an unrealistic light.  Here is the comment:

Enola, this comment has nothing to do with your post today (with which I agree, by the way), but I am interested to know what homeschooling porgram you use for your children -or at least what Christian Bible sudy program you utilize. Your family seems to be one of the most in-tact, functioning families I have read about, and I would just like to know -if it is not too personal a question. If it is too personal, please forgive my question.

Oh, what a humbling statement!  We do have a wonderful family, but we are far from perfect.  Sir Knight and I do not always walk gracefully side by side.  Our children are human and prone to childishness.  We know how we SHOULD live, but often fail in our attempts to walk in accordance with God's word.  We are sinners.  But, in our heart of hearts we long to serve the Lord.

To tell the truth, half the time I think I have completely failed my children and my husband.  I should be more respectful to Sir Knight.  I should be more diligent in training my children in the fear and admonition of the Lord.  I should be a better teacher. I should be more disciplined.  I should.....the list could go on and on.  As far as I can tell, I am just like every other women out there.  I succeed and I fail.  I have come to realize, however, that what is really important is perseverance and faith.  Rather than succumbing to my fears and my failures, I just keep getting back up and walking forward with the knowledge that God will keep me.  As I continue to walk in the truth my faith grows.

Now that you know all about our failures, the success we do enjoy comes from digging deep into the word of God.  The kids read to me out of the Bible every day for school (they choose where they want to read) and they also do copywork from scripture.  Also, we start our day with a mini-bible study.  Master Hand Grenade listens to prayer requests and leads us in prayer.  Miss Calamity reads the portion of scripture that we are studying and Maid Elizabeth reads the study text and follow up questions. Princess Dragon Snack and Master Calvin practice sitting still and listening.   We are going through the book of Proverbs right now.  It is chock full of wisdom pertaining to how we are supposed to live.  If your kids argue - go to Proverbs.  If you are having a hard time with a neighbor - go to Proverbs.  If your son is making googly eyes at the half-dressed girl on the corner - go to Proverbs.  It's all in there!

The VERY best family study we have ever seen on Proverbs is the "Family Bible Study Series" by Kevin Swanson.  The studies are bite-sized but full of insight.  They have made us re-examine what we think and why.  The kids and I study every morning during the week and Sir Knight leads us on weekend mornings.  Maid Elizabeth and I skipped ahead and studied the Proverbs 31 woman.  It was incredible, and I daresay, it has changed our lives.  I had no idea I was the Mistress of my husbands estate.  My duties as Sir Knight's wife have come sharply into focus.  I long to be a good steward of his estate and increase his holdings.  These books are a game changer.  Kevin Swanson has also written a bible study for Genesis and Psalms.  They are definitely on our want list!

Book I

Book II

Book III

School is another thing altogether.  Teaching is challenging for me.  I am not a gifted teacher, so my children and I muddle along as best we can.  We dedicate every morning to academics and our afternoons to "life skill" (sewing, cooking, baking, outside chores, etc.).  Our goal in homeschooling is producing children that can successfully lead their families (our boys) and run their husbands estate (our girls).

There you go.  A little insight into our flawed and wonderful family.  Now you know what makes us tick.

Welcome 2012 - New Year Day Brunch

During the week, I rarely make a "real" breakfast.  Generally we get by with toast, hot cereal or hard boiled eggs - just enough to get us going in the morning.  Weekends are a different story.  Sir Knight is home, we are all together and we love starting our day around the table with good food, hot tea and great conversation.

Most often, Saturday breakfasts consist of a real "farmers" breakfast.  Eggs, bacon/sausage, hash browns and toast are the norm (served with Tabasco sauce, of course), although breakfast burritos or sausage gravy and biscuits are equally welcome.  Sunday, being our day of rest, I usually like to make something that requires a little less effort.  Crepes, Amish Baked Oatmeal and German Pancakes are all simple, delicious and perfectly fill the bill for a laid-back Sunday brunch.

I have made German Pancakes for years, but I have to admit, they really are better when baked in a wood cookstove.  Somehow, the butter baking on top of the pancake becomes crunchy and, well, incredible.  German Pancakes are full of eggs, so their consistency differs greatly from a "griddle cake".  They are spongy, almost custard like, with a rich flavor that is enhanced by their copious amounts of butter.  This is the perfect recipe to use up all of that extra butter (from your cow) and those eggs (from your chickens).

German Pancake
(8 inch skillet)                                                     (16 inch skillet)
1/4 C butter                                                          3/4 C butter
1 C milk                                                                3 C milk
4 eggs                                                                  12 eggs
1/2 tsp. vanilla extract                                           1.5 tsp. vanilla extract
1 C flour                                                               3 C flour
2 T sugar                                                              6 T sugar

Place butter in your cast iron skillet, place skillet in a 425° oven (or 350° (a hot oven) if using your wood cookstove) for 2 minutes or until butter melts and pan is very hot.  Combine milk, eggs and vanilla in bowl.  Beat until combines.  Stir in flour and sugar.  Beat with egg beater (or mixer) until smooth.  Pour the batter into your hot pan.  Bake for 18 - 20 minutes or until puffed and brown on top.  Serve with berries or butter and syrup. Sprinkle with confectioners sugar.

Melting the butter in the skillet

The milk and eggs

An old-fashioned egg beater works wonders!

Adding the flour and sugar

Beating the flour and sugar into the milk, eggs & vanilla

Pouring the batter into the hot, butter enveloped skillet

Can you see the butter slick  on top?

Make sure your fire is nice and hot!

As it cooks, the pancake begins to climb the side of the pan
(it climbs higher where it is closer to the firebox)

It gets higher
(remember to rotate, if you are baking in a wood cookstove)

And higher....

Until, Viola! A pancake, light and fluffy!

Butter pools at one end, and all of the brown area are mmmm, caramelized butter!

The pancake does deflate as it cools - that is perfectly normal

That's all there is to it!  This is a family favorite, and the perfect way to herald the new year.  Sir Knight says that if the Mayans had had these pancakes, they wouldn't have stopped their calendar at 2012!

As we usher in this new year, let us be ever diligent, ever faithful - wise stewards of what God has blessed us with.  Happy New Year.

Sleeping with the Enemy

Admittedly, I am but a wife and mother.  I am not an intellectual, a scholar or a head of state.  However, I do know foolishness when I see it.  While reading my normal list of news sites, I came across an article that left me first sputtering and then speechless.  It seems that our government has chosen to sell F-15's to the Saudi's.  Really.

Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but weren't 15 out of the 19 September 11th terrorist from Saudi Arabia?  Who, in their right mind would think it was wise to sell deadly technology (at a whopping good price, I am sure) to known enemy combatants?   And since when has "controlling" evil ever worked?

In reality, evil is evil and good is good.  Good can't arm evil and expect evil to do what good wants.  Evil, by its very nature is evil, eliminating any capacity to make a moral decision based on an agreement.  How can we expect to make a deal with the devil and not get burned?

Our leaders have chosen to make a deal for our technology so that they can "strengthen America's relationship with the Saudi's".  In doing so, we are putting our actual allies (Israel) in great jeopardy while we play footsies with the playground bullies.

I have no doubt that our elected official would call me ignorant and short-sighted - not understanding of the complexities of foreign relations.  And they would be correct.  But, I do know, that when you strip away all the fast talk and layers of "diplomacy" right is still right and wrong is still wrong.  There are no shades of gray.

We have been manipulated into believing that in order to run a country, a state or even a household, you have to be willing to compromise.  And while that may be true when dealing with things that don't really matter, it couldn't be further from the truth when it comes to the real issues of life. There can be no compromise.  Right is right and wrong is wrong.  Can you imagine giving the man who burned down your house a flame thrower so that he can help keep the people who killed your children in line?  Heaven forbid!

I shake my head at the wisdom of our leaders.  We have no business sleeping with the enemy.

A Vision for Men in Training

Helping our boys become men is more than a little challenging, especially in a world filled with competing interests.  Why get firewood in, take out the garbage and clean your room when there are video games to be played and apps to be downloaded to your iGadget?  Why should a young man bother with leading the family in prayer in the morning when he could be getting a few extra minutes of shut-eye?  Why think beyond your own selfish desires when you are only young once, after all - you will be a man when you grow up, right?

Wrong.  Unless we train our boys to be men when they are young, they will be nothing but boys when they are grown.  Unfortunately, we live in a society that no longer respects the position of men.  We undermine their authority.  We ridicule their masculinity.  We marginalize their existence.  We treat them like children who are incapable of managing themselves, much less lead a family or a nation.

Master Hand Grenade is a sixteen year old man.  He is not perfect.  He is a work in progress.  He still wavers between boy and man, but the balance has tipped in the mans favor.  He has begun to have a vision.

Biblically,  a man fulfills four offices when serving his family.  He is the priest of his home.  He is a prophet.  He is a provider.  He is a protector.  In our quest to help our boys become men, we have realized that not just a father is responsible to be a priest, prophet, provider and protector, but that our young men can and should step into those roles in the absence of or in conjunction with their father.

Sir Knight is gone during the day, working to provide for his family.  He leaves before the children are out of bed and doesn't return home until it's time for dinner.  Master Hand Grenade could choose to be a child and laze around all day expecting to be taken care of, however, he chooses to be a man and act in his fathers stead.  His father has given him a vision of what a man must be and Master Hand Grenade would be ashamed to be merely a boy.

Each morning, Hand Grenade leads our little band in prayer.  He takes prayer requests, prays over the concerns of the day and asks for the wisdom to discern the scriptures we are reading.  In doing so, he takes on the role of "priest" for this family.

Being a prophet is a bit more challenging.  Sir Knight is chief prophet in our home, however, Master Hand Grenade listens and learns.  He looks to the future, sees the signs of the times and helps his dad formulate plans to keep our family walking in the way of truth.  By adhering to the proverb "A prudent man sees danger and takes refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it" (Proverbs 22:3) he is fulling the office of "prophet".

Understanding the role of a provider is easy in theory but much more challenging to execute.  Sir Knight works every day and brings home a paycheck, therefore providing for the family, but how can Master Hand Grenade provide for our family?  He doesn't have a paying job.  He can only hunt during hunting season.  What is a young man to do?  He can do his chores (without being asked, doing them thoroughly and with a good attitude).  By sawing, splitting and bringing in firewood, Master Hand Grenade is providing heat for our family.  By taking out the garbage, he is providing a clean home in which we ladies can work.  By keeping the oil in the generator changed and the gas tank full, he provides us with power to keep the house running.  Sir Knight depends on Master Hand Grenade to provide for our physical necessities in his absence.  If that isn't fulfilling the office of "provider", I don't know what is!

Being a protector is something every little boys dreams of.  What boy doesn't daydream about vanquishing the enemy and restoring peace to his little kingdom - of being the hero?  Sir Knight has spent many an hour teaching Hand Grenade the complexities of keeping our family safe.  When Sir Knight drives off in the morning, he does so with the calm assurance that if need be, Hand Grenade would give his life defending me and his siblings.  Rather than wasting time killing bad guys on the latest video game, Master Hand Grenade has shouldered the responsibility of protecting real-live people, his people, in his fathers absence.  By protecting us, he is about his fathers business.

By the grace of God, Master Hand Grenade has never had to fulfill the role of protector - until last week, that is.  When the kids and I were in town, doing some last minute shopping before Christmas, an obviously drunk man approached my daughters, who were standing outside our truck.  Quick as a flash, I was out of the truck, racing to stand between my daughters and this potential threat, but before I could get there, Master Hand Grenade had stationed his body squarely in front of the drunkard.  Then, the most amazing thing happened.  Master Hand Grenade grew 6 inches.  No, really, he did!  My son is already 3 inches taller than I am, but in the space of about 4 seconds, he gained the status of a giant.  Suddenly the drunk man looked up, saw "Captain America" standing in front of him, and instantly became compliant and non-threatening.  Having been trained to be a man, Master Hand Grenade didn't hesitate to put himself between his girls and a very real threat.  Sir Knight's faith had been well placed.

Our country needs men.  Real men.  Our great desire is to raise such men.  Master Hand Grenade is well on his way.  Master Calvin is following in his footsteps.  They will fall, they will fail, but we will help them back up, dust them off and give them a vision for what could be - what should be.  They are men in training.

Book Review - Holding Your Ground

I recently received a copy of "Holding Your Ground" by Joe Nobody ("Do you think that is a pen name?" Enola Gay asks) to peruse and review.  Being more of a guy read than a lady thing, Sir Knight was the first to read it.  As he read, I got the distinct impression (due to the fact that he didn't put it down for two days) that it was well worth the ink on the page.

Sir Knight read intently, occasionally putting the book down and looking at me over his glasses remarking "Hey, we need to think about putting an ADS (Area Denial System) in place" or "Did you know that they made trail cameras that connect wirelessly (no internet or phone service) to your computer from up to a mile away? - We could track enemy movement!".

Joe Nobody was in the military.  Although he never mentions his background, it is clear by his writings that he has experience with "Holding his Ground".  In the current conflicts in the middle east, many of our soldiers have spent years in camps sharpening the skills required to hold their ground.  Not having been in the military, Sir Knight found "Holding Your Ground" to be chuck full of clear, concise information for setting up and defending your home in the event of the unthinkable.  Much more than stringing up razor wire and making homemade land mines (the book doesn't advocate either of these techniques), "Holding Your Ground" walks you through methodology, technique and execution of securing your perimeter without doing damage to your property or creating an eyesore.  He also takes into consideration the concerns of securing a home where children and animals are present.

"Holding Your Ground" has an Excel spreadsheet that is accessible online to help you evaluate the defensibility of your bug-out location and the skills of your group.  Once you determine your defensive position and skills, the book walks you through practical steps to increase both your defense and your skill sets.

This book does not waste your time with in-depth discussion on firearms or training - it simply encourages you to take advantage of all of the information that is available on firearms and tactics, to do your own research, to get firearms and ammunition and to get the best training you can afford.

There are sections on how to defend the block you live on (if you are in the suburbs), what areas to cover, fields of fire and it goes so far as to detail the best way to defend an apartment building.  Setting up a perimeter, including neighbors in your defense plan, dealing with hostiles and those that don't appear hostile (but are) and suggestions on bullet-proofing your firing positions are all included.

The long and short of it?  Buy this book.  DO NOT put this book and mothball it on a shelf.  It is only effective if you read it and put it into practice.  It will make you rethink your defense strategy (or make you think about it, if you haven't already) and give you clear direction as you plan your TEOTWAWKI strategy.  Sir Knight suggests that you read this book, research some of the ideas, read the book again and then implement (or prepare for) the ideas that would be practical for your location.

I must admit, after Sir Knight read "Holding Your Ground", I had to pick it  up.  I found it fascinating!  It was easy for me to understand (even with my lack of tactical knowledge) and had me planning window boxes with beautiful flowers ( when filled with 12 inches of sand they present effective bullet-proofing for up to a .308 caliber rifle!) for all of my windows.

"Holding Your Ground" is an indispensable tool for your preparedness arsenal.  It comes very highly recommended.


Note:  Someone with military experience may not find this book particularly helpful, being familiar with the principles already.  However, for the average "Joe" it is practical and thought provoking.

Merry Christmas

During this joyful season, I wanted to take the opportunity to say "Thank You" to all the wonderful people I have "met" while keeping this blog.  Godspeed to you all.  May God mold your hearts to Him and strengthen you for the days ahead.


In the Service of the Savior;
Sir Knight, Enola, Maid Elizabeth, Master Hand Grenade, Miss Calamity, Princess Dragon Snack and Master Calvin

The Wisdom of our Fathers

It has been said "those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it" (Santayana).  The same could be said about the wisdom learned and accepted from one generation to the next.

When I was a little girl, I hung on every word my parents said.  In my child-like mind, they knew absolute truth.  I never questioned them.  I had complete faith in their decisions.  There were many times that I didn't like what they had to say, but I never questioned that it was right.

As I grew, my parents continued to speak truth into my life.  When I would come home from school, crushed from some bully's unkind remarks, my mother would gently console me - then she would teach me how to discern the real nature of the hurtful remarks and how to respond to the bully in the future.  She was always right.

The older I became, the more wisdom my parents poured into me.  They taught me, through their years of accumulated experience and searching for the truth, how to view the world.  They taught me right from wrong, good from bad and how to see through a facade of deception to grasp the truth.

And then I grew up.  Suddenly, as a young woman  making my own way in the world, I knew more than my parents did.  My once wise parents became back-woods bumpkins, knowing nothing about the modern world.  They didn't understand this new, modern world into which I had stepped.  My conversations with my parents, although still frequent, became disrespectful and condescending.  When they would express doubt about my chosen path, I would spurn their concerns, knowing that they just didn't understand "my generation".   In my youthful arrogance, I was convinced that the world had changed, and my parents knew nothing of the world in which I lived.

As worldly wise as I was, I was too foolish to realize that the problems of the world never change.  They appear different, but the root is always the same.  True wisdom transcends the ages.  Only the foolish believe that their experience in the world is new.

By the grace of God, my prideful, disrespectful attitude was quickly humbled by failure.  And, also by the grace of God, my parents bore my arrogant pride with long-suffering and unconditional love.  To this day, because of the wretched embarrassment it would cause me, they never mention my foray into omniscience.  Through the love of my parents and the grace of Almighty God, I learned, once again, to trust the wisdom of my parents.  Not only my parents, but my grandparents, my aunts and uncles and all of those who have walked before me.

I learned, from being prideful and arrogant, that I knew nothing.  I learned that, although not perfect, my elders knew more about life than I did.  I learned that I had so much to learn.

So, what, other than being a charming little anecdote, does this story have to do with the price of tea in China?   It has to do with looking to our past to determine our future.

We live in a society that has forgotten the wisdom of our fathers.  We behave like spoiled, prideful children, spurning our parents advice.  We are certain that our fore-bearers, who, incidentally, managed to build the most successful country in the world, were nothing more than back-woods bumpkins.  Systematically, we are dismantling what our fathers built and are replacing it with politically correct, pseudo-intellectual facades doomed to crumble under the pressure of reality.  Our prideful arrogance will fail us.

Our fathers knew things that we have forgotten.  Right is right and wrong is wrong.  Life is hard, but the the hardships temper us, making us stronger.  Circumstances don't make the person, rather the person defines the circumstances.  Life isn't safe.  Hard work isn't something to be avoided, it gives us purpose.  Life is bigger than just me.  One of our greatest gifts is our right to live how we choose - we give that up when we allow someone else to be responsible for our lives.

It is time for us to regain the wisdom passed on to us by our forefathers.  Our rebellion has brought us nothing but weakness and failure and unhappiness.  We need to reclaim our history, learn from our mistakes.  Only when we remember the wisdom of the past will we have a straight path for the future.

Not Just an American Obsession...

I came across an article on Daily Mail that points to preparedness not just being an exclusively American phenomenon.  Apparently, there are families across the pond that see a freight train barreling down the tracks and are doing what they can to forestall the damage.

Interestingly, it seems that people have begun to realize that preparedness is not some new-fangled idea promoted by the "tin-foil hat society", but rather a way of life that was considered just plain common sense half a century ago.

Stocking up for Doomsday: As economists predict meltdown, meet the families ready for the worst

By TOM RAWSTORNE

Last updated at 1:49 AM on 17th December 2011

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Picture the scene: It’s the end of January 2012 and already it is clear the year to come will make that which has just passed seem something of a picnic. The last strains of Auld Lang Syne had barely faded before Greece defaulted on its debts. Over the next few weeks, Italy and Spain will follow.

Across Britain and the Continent, bank after bank goes down, a domino effect exacerbated by panicking customers desperately withdrawing their savings. Where three years ago the giants of High Street banking were seen as too big too fail, now they are too big and too many for any Government to save.

Panic ensues. Within hours, the cashpoints are empty of money and the supermarket shelves stripped bare.

Read more.....

The Ghost of Christmas Past

When Sir Knight and I moved our family to a little shouse on the prairie, with no electricity, no running water and a pitifully low bank account, we had no idea what the future had in store.

The fall that we moved in, we optimistically anticipated having running water and a flushing toilet within 3 weeks.  We thought we would have drains and at least a light bulb or two within a month.  As it turned out, our estimations were grossly underestimated.  We finally had running water (cold only) and a flushing toilet about 1 year after moving in and nary a light bulb for six months after that.

The first winter of our new life was nothing short of life changing.  We showered at a fitness center in town about twice a week (whether we needed to or not!), washed our clothes in a galvanized tub on the top of the wood cookstove, ate lentil burgers and read stories by lantern light.  Our life had taken a drastically different turn.  As much as we tried to embrace our off-grid existence, the stress began to  to take its toll.

Apparently, others noticed our reduced circumstances.  One afternoon, a car I didn't recognize drove up our driveway.  I stepped out of the door and was greeted by an pleasant looking older woman.  She asked if I had a moment and I showed her into the kitchen (such as it was).  The children were busy at their school work in the light of the Petromax and stew bubbled on the wood cookstove.  The lady introduced herself as Sister Dolores, a nun with the local mission.  As Sister Dolores and I visited, she explained the reason for her visit.  The mission Sister Dolores served sponsored a needy family every Christmas.  They put together food baskets and gifts and did their best to brightened an otherwise cloudy holiday for a family in need.  I was immediately taken.  I told her we would love to help.  What did they need?  How could we make a difference?  She looked at me for a moment with a puzzled expression.  Turning toward me she said, "Dear, you are the family we wanted to help".

I couldn't believe my ears.  Never, in a million years would I have considered my family "needy".  We had a roof over our heads, food in our tummies and a warm place to sleep at night.  Our family was whole.  My husband had a job.  We had family that loved and supported us.  We wanted for nothing.  Stammering, I told Sister Delores that we couldn't possibly accept their generous charity.  There must be someone out there that was truly needy.  Disappointed, she shook her head.  "We haven't been able to find a needy family that hasn't already taken advantage of every social program available" she said.  "We thought we had finally found a family that would really appreciate help.  We thought we would really be able to make a difference.  Many people have asked for assistance but they already take advantage of commodities, food stamps and subsidized housing - what can we offer them?".

I apologized to Sister Delores for not being able to accept her generosity and offered to help in any way we could in the event they found another family to bless.  When she left I took a moment to reflect on our conversation.  I was humiliated.  How could people think that we were needy?  My pride was wounded.  I was humbled.  But that was just the beginning.

As we prepared for Christmas, an awful truth came to light.  We had no money.  We were able to meet our obligations and feed our family (if meagerly) but we certainly had no extra money to spend on gifts.  Now, I had been raised in a Christian household.  I knew the true meaning of Christmas.  I knew (in my head) that it wasn't about gifts or boxes or bags, it was about celebrating the birth of Christ, but my pride got in the way.  I didn't want to show up at my folks empty handed.  My brother and his wife would be there.  They would have bought us presents.  My parents would have gone all out.  Sir Knight and I would have nothing to offer.

Truth be told, Sir Knight and I didn't want to make the trip over the river and through the woods to grandmothers house.  We were embarrassed.  We could skip the family gathering this year - right?  Nobody would really miss us.  But, then, there were the children.  How would we explain to them that we weren't going to Grandma and Grandpa's?  How could we face them on Christmas morning with nary an orange in their stocking?

We determined that we would have to come up with something.  We started to put together baskets with things we could make.  Hot Cocoa powder, Russian Tea mix, homemade soap and tea cozies filled the baskets, along with some homemade cookies and candy.  We made up two baskets, one for my parents and one for my brother and sister-in-law.  They were pitiful and small and I was embarrassed.  Wanting to do a little something more, Sir Knight picked out a range finder that he had bought when we were flush and wrapped it for my dad.  I chose my favorite candlesticks to give to my mom.

We sang as we drove, heralding our Saviors birth.  Knowing that we didn't have one gift for any of our children was sobering, but we chose to make the best out of the situation.  As we unloaded our car, I wanted to hide our meager offerings.  My pride kept getting in the way.

Christmas morning arrived.  The children never realized that we hadn't gotten them anything.  They were thrilled to be at grandma and grandpa's house, reveling in Christmas.  We sang "Happy Birthday" to Jesus, attacked our stockings with a vigor and snuggled on the couch eating chocolate snowmen way too early in the morning.  Finally, it was time to open presents.  Gifts were passed out, one by one bringing delight to the recipient.  Dad was thrilled with his range finder (I suspect that he knew Sir Knight had given his own treasure) and Mom loved her candlesticks.  Although I did  my best to hide our gift baskets, they were eventually uncovered.  First, my sister-in-law took possession of hers.  She pulled each item out, oohed and aahed and told us how wonderful they were.  "I could never make soap" and "You really make your own Hot Cocoa?".  My mom, too, lauded our efforts.  "I love the basket you picked out, Enola.  It will be perfect to hold kindling next to the fireplace".  "Oh, you made my favorite candy.  You know I never could make this as well as you".   My embarrassment began to fade as the light of truth began to dawn.  We were loved not because of the things we could buy or the way we could contribute.  That was my pride talking.  The reality is, nobody cared what we did or didn't buy.  They cared only that we were there.  It was that simple.

I have learned that what we did the first year we lived here was appropriate.  We didn't have any money.  It would have been inappropriate for us to have gone out and spent a lot of money. We gave what we had.  And that was right.

I thought we had to have presents to celebrate Christmas.  I was wrong.  We just had to be willing to humble ourselves - only when we humbled ourselves were we able to be embraced in the love of family.  And so it is with God.  We don't have to present ourselves as perfect, we just have to humble ourselves and bend our knee.