I live a life of ultimate women's liberation. My freedom is abundant and life-giving. I truly am blessed among women. I, Enola Gay, a stay-at-home wife and mother am the poster child for a new breed of women libbers.
Traditionally, women's lib has been associated with breaking the bonds of a restrictive home-centered life and pursuing the "fulfilling" passions of life beyond the family. It has been about the "self" focused desires of women to stand on "equal" footing with men. Unfortunately, rather than women achieving their longed for freedom, women's lib has effectively shackled women with the responsibilities of both women and men.
When I was growing up, I bought into the "new normal" for women. I eschewed the thought of marriage and children, embracing the idea of being independent, powerful and marvelously free. I left my family home, moved to the city and went to work, enthusiastically embracing my new found "freedom".
Little by little, I realized that my "freedom" was nothing more than an illusion. I had embraced women's liberation and in doing so I had shackled myself to the responsibilities traditionally shouldered by men.
Ten years I lost. Ten years of doubling my burden. For ten years I carried the responsibilities of both a man and a woman. And then I woke up. I left the false world of "women's liberation" and became truly liberated. I was liberated from being responsible for financially supporting my family. I was liberated from working for someone else for mere money. I was liberated from having to go to work when I was sick or when my children were ill. I was liberated from having to put aside my passions and desires simply because I had to collect a pay check. I was liberated from working for someone else and was finally allowed to simply work for my family and myself. I was liberated indeed.
Today, my husband got up and went to work. It was 5°. He works outside. And his knee is still sore from knee surgery. But he went to work. He went to work because it is his job to support our family. He doesn't particularly like his job, but he does it anyway. Why? Because that is his burden and he does it because he loves us. My husband has relieved me of the job of living in a man's world. I don't have to work outside when it is 5°. I don't have to do physical labor with a sore knee. I am liberated.
As a stay-at-home wife I have tremendous freedom. I have the freedom to pursue dreams that would have been unattainable had I not left the working world. I have the freedom to cultivate creativity, to create a beautiful home and to freely minister to all of the people that I love. I have the freedom to work for eternal purposes, not just monetary gain. I have the freedom to be a woman - nothing more, nothing less - just what I was created to be.
I can't tell you how thankful I am to have been liberated. I am so glad that I do not have to bear the burden of both man and woman, that I am free to fully embrace my wonderful, abundant life. Oh, the blessings of true women's liberation.
I hear you sister! I traveled that same path.
ReplyDeleteAmen. And your husband always has a wife to come home to. And your children always have a mother they can depend on to be there for them. Peace comes from living by your own priorities and values, not those of a 'lost' society.
ReplyDeleteMontana Guy
Yesterday, I was fired from my job -- via email, no less -- for the horrendous crime of missing ONE day to stay home and take care of my very sick daughter. I was fired because I was not able to "make arrangements" to have some one else care for her through her fever, terrible sore throat, coughing and vomiting. I was fired because I am a mother.
ReplyDeleteAnd today, I woke up relieved...I woke up grateful...I woke up happy. Reading this post was the icing on the cake. I thought today would be plagued by stress and fear, but it is instead glowing with gratitude and release.
You are right -- we are liberated. A beautiful post, and timely in a way that you probably didn't expect when you wrote it. Thank you for confirming what my heart has felt all morning. We are free when we are able to commit ourselves exclusively to our families. God has led your mind and hand in this writing!
Thank you so much!
"I was fired because I am a mother."
DeleteReally! Do you think your failure to show up had any negative effect on your employer? Is it really all about you? I do understand the problems associated with working full time and raising a family but that does not erase the problems with running a business. Sorry for your problems bt the tone of your statement "I was fired because I am a mother." tells me you are too self-centered to understand the reality.
Actually..my parents employ 40 or so people. They agree women should be able to take days off to take care of their kids. That's a mamas job. They'd never fire someone over it.
DeleteNot saying...but how many times has this happened, that you took off to be with your child? Are you using vacation time to cover it?
DeleteLet me explain my questions. I worked at a company with women who always were taking off for some child's issue, sickness, school, whatever. Their supervisors would breeze in and exclaim the news and then turn to look at me to fill in. "Employee is gone, sick child!" I was always there....you see, I never got to have any children of my own. The employee would show back up with no thanks for helping out, never. They would never lift a finger to assist my worker's when I, heaven forbid, took a vacation day, never.
The fact of the matter is that the employer hired a body to fill a chair and do a job. If you are not there, either the work doesn't get done or someone else has to pitch in. I've had a belly full of women who feel its their "right" to stay home with a sick child because they are a mother. Very few people can pull off both jobs well and few employers are understanding.
You had the gift of a child, stay home and take care of the child. Don't expect everyone else to be flexible around your personal choices.
And seriously, I don't mean to be nasty about it. Yes, its crap that you were let go. I wish business environment was different than it is....but in reality its not.
At my first school, we had several female teachers. When it came time for sick children, we understood and took up the slack for there were no substitutes in the town. At that time I had no children. I never dreamed of complaining, for I remember my own mother was there for me. We also never thought of thanking anybody because everybody pitched in. I guess we were there for all kids, in school or out.
DeleteBut you do understand that is not a private company with endless sources of money. Your school system is bloated with workers and goodies. In my state half of the state budget goes to public schools. My son's grade school had 6 classrooms and 14 teachers and large cadre of teachers aides and half a dozen support staff in the office and two principles. His middle school had 12 classrooms and 18 teachers and huge numbers of aides staff and other union hangers on. I often wondered what the other teachers did when class was in session. Oh! That's right, tey were doing "class prep". You would think 4 years of college and years of experience teaching would be "prep" enough. But then we all know "class prep" is a euphemism for featherbedding union slacking off.
DeleteBut now imagine you own a company where you put in 12 hour days 6-7 days a week and barely making a profit. Then your always "troubled" employee calls at the last minute "again" to say her child is sick. Is the child sick or was she out partying again and was too hung over to come to work? Doesn't matter because this means in addition to dong your 12 hours of work you have to take up the slack of your perennially absent worker who always has a good excuse. What do you do? Should you just "pitch in" again (remember you aren't taxpayer funded with a bottomless pit of money) or do you fire her and get someone who wants the job?
I worked for one of the largest city policing agencies as a dispatcher in the USA.. and I have to admit, no matter how much overtime I would have.. if someone was called home because of a sick child.. no one ever complained! EVER!!! I guess I had it good. We all gave our all every day. There was minimum staffing and no one took advantage of it.. If someone had a sick child, we wanted them home to care for the child.
DeleteBut on that note, I can't help but wonder if there is a bigger reason why you are to stay home. Maybe this is the beginning to being liberated. I know for me... I have learned to save more money, then I was actually bringing in!!
Wow, some of these replies really floored me! In answer to mdoe37's question: it was the first time I had missed a single shift at this job. Ever. My husband had stayed home for three days to care for our son when he was sick three weeks before my daughter became ill. I regularly worked beyond my scheduled shifts in order to assist my managers and other employees. I had perfect attendance until I took one day off to care for my daughter -- and was then fired.
DeleteFor the anonymous respondent who assumes that I am "self-centered": I am sorry that is what you took away from my comment. I think that's a rather rash judgment of a person you have never met, but you are entitled to your opinion. I would, however, contest you in one respect. I am not at all self-centered; I am child-centered. Everything that I do is for my kids. I stayed home with them until they were in school full-time -- for THEM; I went back to work after they were in school full-time; for THEIR benefit; I cook and clean and keep the home and play games with them and kick the soccer ball in the field -- for THEM. My children are my life. So no, I am not self-centered. And I didn't call in last minute -- I gave my employer two days of notice that I would be missing a shift (again, the first shift I had ever missed at this job).
For those of you who said kind things -- thank you. I have come to the conclusion that my children are my full-time job, and will be until they are able to function independently of me. Being fired has actually been a huge blessing -- and I am grateful for it! It forced a shift in perspective and it has brought me back to a beautiful awareness of what I have to be grateful for. God bless all of you.
To Kristi Novac~ I, too, am just AMAZED at the audacity of people commenting on here. Do these people even KNOW you?! Do they live in your neighborhood, do their children attend the same school as yours, or (Horrors!) attend the same church you do?! I hope you let their comments run off your back like water on a duck. In all that Enola stands for, I'm amazed they even follow her blog! Completely uncalled for, not to mention unChristian-like behavior. I'm wondering if they don't quite understand that to be a mother is our greatest calling, with Christ as our BOSS!! I commend you for staying home...and maybe it was God's way of allowing you to be where He wanted you all along! Blessings~
DeleteEnola,
ReplyDeleteI always appreciate articles like this. We are so quick to jump on the world's band wagon of ideas. I am so thankful for people like you who tell it like it is. I too bought into the world's idea for women for a time and am thankful for God opening my eyes to what was really intended for women and I am thoroughly enjoying being the woman God created me to be...a godly woman, helpmeet to my husband, stay-at-home, home educating Mom.
I followed the same path. It's nice not being part of the 'grease' turns the cogs feeding the government's tax machine.
ReplyDeleteAs always, a wonderful and truthful post.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your blog and for sharing.
I believe it is important in todays world to at least have a "taste" of the working world outside of the home and of the stay at home wife and mother. I have done both and on many occasions....depending upon circumstance and needs. to me, having the choice is what being liberated is all about.
ReplyDeleteThe cry is always that you are losing valuable years of building up experience and retirement while being a stay-at-home mom. What you are gaining is a husband who comes home to a comfortable home; children who know that you are available when they need you. We learned to live on a smaller income which in turn taught our daughter how to live on one income while raising her daughters. My husband came home laughing one day; one of his co-workers had asked in all seriousness if we had inherited money since we seemed to live well while I stayed home rather than holding an outside job.
ReplyDeleteMy step children - now grown - always knew they could count on their dad and stepmother to be there for them. Even though I worked out of necessity, it was not full time and I put the family first. Their mother focused on her career which is a small comfort in my opinion because she is alone. I'm so grateful to have the wonderful husband that I serve with a happy heart, along with his children when they need a "mom" even though they are on their own.
DeleteAs someone said above, it's a good thing for women to get a taste of both worlds. When one is single and have bills and school loans to pay like me, it's practically a necessity. However, we should be allowed to have the choice once we marry or start having kids to stay at home. It's so sad that society has become so disapproving of something that comes naturally to most women.
ReplyDelete~Lily~
i used to work at a very stressful job and my husband had dinner ready when i got home. depending on the stress of the day i told him not to talk until i had showered and regained composure. we would sit down to dinner and it might be right away or as long as 15 minutes before i signalled that he could chat. i told him i could then see how good it is for a man to come home to peace and a meal. that's what working men need.
Deletethat was many years ago and when we were blessed with a baby instead of another miscarriage i stayed home and we home-schooled her. by the way, it isn't hard. they learn to read, you give them the books--library sales are great and so is rod and staff curriculum.
then they teach themselves. they are free to learn at your side; measurement while helping with recipes, et cetera.
it is good to work outside the home so you have the experience and always good to have a skill 'to fall back on' but the housewife more than earns her keep.
deb harvey
I realized when I had children, that I needed to make a choice in my priorities in my life. I chose to become a stay-at-home mom because I valued my children and their upbringing over making a few more dollars, many of which went into paying someone else to care for my life treasures. When I chose to stay home and make my children my priority, I knew that I was "bucking" the new role that women were supposed to play in our society. But then, I am always one to choose my path and follow it, even when that path is not the popular one - the one that society chooses for me rather than my conscience. I decided if it was important to have children, then it was even more important to raise them in the way that was right and good. I wanted the role model that they saw of a woman to be one that put them ahead of the all mighty dollar. Today they have children of their own and one of them has chosen the same path. The other one desperately wanted to do the same but situations happened that made it impossible for her to stay at home. She chose the working path in order to feed and cloth and house her child. The consequences were huge, having a child that was largely raised by others, and that child didn't feel the security of having a mother there with him through the days of his formative years. It just reinforced to me the necessity of mothers raising their children, rather than babysitters.
ReplyDelete"It just reinforced to me the necessity of mothers raising their children, rather than babysitters."
DeleteThere you have it. Intact families are how God set it up, and they are the target of everything that is of this world. If it results in the fracturing of the family, you can bet it has evil behind it, even though it might seem good on the outside.
I completely agree with you Crustyrusty
DeleteThis is a most beautiful message. I, too, am liberated and so grateful to be. I have been blessed with a husband, like yours, who is out there working for us everyday. We have five lovely children who we have been blessed, and called, to raise. We never thought that it would be better if I worked out of the home, we knew that doing "without" was better than having more money and a scattered family. When we were married, 27 years ago, both our families thought that I should be working and "liberated" from what our mothers did. I always thought that my mother staying home was such a gift for our family. I wanted to do that too! Thankfully, I was able to be liberated by our choice.
ReplyDeleteLoved your article! I made the same decision 25 yrs ago and God always provided. My hardworking husband would get a promotion or bonus when we had a need. And despite the "What do you do? Oh, JUST a stay at home mom." With derision, it has been so very worthwhile. I have been the team mom, room parent, fund raiser etc.. . My house has been the one the neighborhood kids and friends come to and my children have grown up supervised, with values, college educated and hard working citizens. I saw what happened to kids who came home to empty homes, ie teenage pregnancy, drugs, mischief. Sometimes I babysat/daycare for the extra money and it broke my heart for the babies and moms who didn't see their kids from 6 to 6, I'm the one they called mom. I thank God I was able to enjoy our kids and make a wonderful home for our family. And now my oldest daughter is enjoying this privilege.
ReplyDeleteI must say I feel very happy to be liberated enough to earn my own living. Being a stay-at-home-mom is all very nice and fine as long as there is the go-out-to-work-dad who brings home the money. The moment the go-out-to-work-dad is laid off or gets sick or simply vamooses, as many are apt to do, the whole beautiful traditional image of the family collapses.
ReplyDeleteAnd don't give me it was the women's fault, why didn't they marry a good man etc./it was the man's fault, why did he get laid off...sometimes bad things happen to good people.
The answer to your question is: you prepare and trust God. I'm a house wife and my husband had been unemployed two or three times in the last 4 years and each time it was for three to four months. Since I manage the money we were prepared with plenty of food in the pantry a little money and a game plan of what would be cut if such a thing were to happen. My husband's job was to find a job which he was able to concentrate on while I managed what needed managing. And I did this in the middle of winter each time. Life was good it wasn't stressful at all which was very good for my husband. He could be relaxed while looking for work.
DeleteTrouble is, most people do not prepare for the unexpected or the unpleasant. People want guarantees which cannot be had from humans. Only God himself can and will backup his promises. I'm a former six figure a year female executive that has been a housewife for the last 7 years to a husband that makes less then half of what I earned. I DON'T MISS that former life at all !! I am now queen and CEO,CFO and CIO of my domain and I love it. Just like Abigail Adams or Martha Washington. Those women knew how to run a household and function under duress. Martha Washington knitting socks for soldiers while she's surround by gun fire 'keeping house' on the battle field. We American housewives come from fine stock.
Every man needs a good wife that can take care of the details of the home while he's out working. I didn't marry a man that came as a perfect package - He had issues. I learned to be a good wife by reading the bible and praying and practicing the ways of doing and being right before God while I was running the household affairs and my husband grew into his husbandship and today is is a fine man and husband. That was the power of God working in our lives and it will work for you and anyone else who will put their trust in Jesus and follow his ways. 15 years ago I was a cynic like you until God in Christ Jesus got a hold of my life.
The traditional family is God's idea not man's and it works very well. The traditional family is the backbone of any successful and thriving society. If you don't know the Lord Jesus seek him out while he may be found. Start by reading the Bible - The Gospel of John.
Finally, be careful who you get your values, ideas and fears from. Most of us have been indoctrinated with lies.
Enola, I adore your writing. Merry Christmas to you and yours.
Hear. Hear. Excellent reply.
Delete"The moment the go-out-to-work-dad is laid off or gets sick or simply vamooses, as many are apt to do"
DeleteA true statement as far as it goes. Why do they leave? Do women leave marriages any more or less often? Why? It's easy to always see things from the standpoint of being the most important person in the world but why did your husband (or wife) leave? It isn't always "them" sometimes it's "you".
Amen and well said ibguido2469
DeleteAmen to ibguido2469. Yes, "American housewives come from fine stock". What blessings!
ReplyDeleteMontana Guy
I agree. How do you respect, honor, liberate a woman by disdaining her as such and wanting her to be a man? Feminism is misogyny gone under cover. I think you would appreciate this quote on my blog from C.S. Lewis. You reminded me of it.
ReplyDeletehttp://imustnotthinkbadthoughts.wordpress.com/2013/03/21/the-ultimate-career/
Thanks*m
Great post and subject, unfortunately for me, I picked the wrong women. After 21 years of marriage she left with & for the money (lots more to the story)...
ReplyDeleteI applaud you and can appreciate what you've done for your family and yourself ... Kudos to you
Enola,
ReplyDeleteThank you for making this post. I now have taken this path after working for over 25 years.
Awesome post!!!!! My husband is out working as I type. I am blessed to be able to stay home and take care of the homestead. My job is a lot harder now, then it was when I was working... but there is less stress and more freedom and the best part... I get to be a wife to my husband.... and take care of him exactly as I know he deserves and needs! I ask him often if he wants me to go back to work.. and it's always followed by a very fast, NO!!!!! With a smile!
ReplyDeleteFunny thing is men see us, and his lunch, and all the goodies he gets, and they always comment on how they want what we have. He replies, "Sell your new car and you can have it too".
I've always been a working woman. I'm a single mom of 2, so it's really just how it goes. I was, however, laid off in July. I moved into my parent's home. I'm expected to return to work in the near future and I have been studying for a career change.
ReplyDeleteAll that being said, I decided that this is a wonderful time for a bit of a self-improvement campaign. I'm teaching myself to be a better housekeeper. Living with my parents is quite the lesson in submission. I could go on.
I love being free to sit here with my poor sick son, and being able to pick him up instead of leaving him in after school. Just praying that my situation changes in a way that will allow me to continue.
This is such a good topic. Families have gone from producers to consumers .. and a slew of societal problems have been the result. Thought you might enjoy this great blog post. http://www.granny-miller.com/survivalist-prepper-or-housewife/
ReplyDeleteI worked before and after I was first married, long enough to pay off the college loans before my first child was born. I was home with her, and later her little brother, for 7 years. Then the marriage fell apart and I had to go back to ghe work world.
ReplyDeleteI was blessed by several periods of unemployment, though, where I got to be mom again. Even now, on days off, or vacation days, or sick days taken for doctor appointments, those are the days I am most myself. There is a deep soulful relaxation and creativity that bubbles forth at those times.
I am hoping, once I sell my house and pay off some debt, to be able to return to the "at home" model. I want it so much that reading this essay brought tears to my eyes.
Enola, you are right, and are blessed. Thank you for a beautiful post.
I think the important thing is that men and women submit and listen to God's call on their lives. We have some dear friends who are very Godly people - she knew from the time she was a little girl that God was calling her to be a pediatrician, and missionary in Africa. She got her medical degree and God brought her together with a wonderful man who is a freelancer - they have two lovely children that they are raising in church. Everything they do, is as a team, and they manage their time and money so that one of them is always with the children, except for occasional family or friend babysitting. God has provided a mission for them, and they are moving to Africa next year for her to practice in a charity hospital for impoverished children, while he works in the community.
ReplyDeleteTheir life does not fit the "traditional" model, but they are wholly submitted to God's will and following His voice - together. The joy of the Gospel just overflows from them and fills their home. If they followed either today's society that pushes self, or an older social model that pushes rigid roles, they would not be doing God's work in the way they are called to do.